Everything happens for a reason.

2012-02-10T07:25:00.000+08:00

I feel so not me right now. It's like I'm messing up with my own health which obviously that's the last thing I wanna do. I just can't help but to sleep late tho I'm having 8am class the next day. And also during the CNY I fall sick and got a cough after that. The cough was bad but still I thought it was okay to sleep at 3am. And I feel the pain. It was supposed to recover already but because of my bad habit, it came back. The sore throat, the itchiness, the feeling of making you to cough, everything came back. So I'm suffering and stop eating stuffs I cant eat. Thought that I'll be good when college reopens. But still, I am sleeping at 2am even tho I had to wake up at 6am. Now I feel like my whole body aching, my eyes are super heavy I wanna close them, I'm fat, and just so not myself. Should no switch on my computer after 10pm. Or else I'm gonna stick there watch youtube videos until 2 in the morning. Stupid habit.

2012-02-09T21:20:00.000+08:00

I actually typed a lot but then I decided to erase it because it's too personal. Somebody should really think outside the box. It's just the matter of perception. I pity the one that got blame for nothing.

Last day of slacking around

2012-02-08T13:13:00.000+08:00

It feels like just yesterday I went to KLCC to watch new year eve's fireworks, it's 8th of Feb already and college just started today. But for me, I have one more day to laze around because my tutor decided to cancel the class.

By the way, anyone know why is there so many strangers or I think it's computerized, leaving message on my chatbox here in the blog? It used to be where only my friends leave stuffs and I check it every single day. But then people or computer, started leaving message, shit messages to promote their own blog, I lost the interest of checking it. Anyone can tell me how to solve this?

Thaipusam Day!

2012-02-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

Went to Batu Caves yesterday. The feeling of watching them piercing their body is amazing. Though it's not something very fascinating because it doesn't bother them and they do it every year, but I find it very interesting. I just cannot stop staring. Anyway, the journey back was horrible. It took us an hour plus to pass through a road that only requires 5 mins to pass through. It is that jam. And that moment I feel like I'm in India. Because 8 out of 10 cars around me are all Indians going in there. And the motorcyclist are crazy. Don't get me wrong, I fully respect this festival and I enjoyed every single moment watching what they do, how they pray on this day. However, some idiots seem to take this special day as an advantage. That moment I felt like they ruled the world. It was usually an empty highway. But cars park at the side of the highway not only one lane, but they used up almost 2 lanes. They just stopped. Some even stop in the middle where the divider was supposed to divide the road into two, they put cloth and everything, sleep there. THAT'S OKAY. It was very jam so we tried hard to squeeze in and we are quite near with the car in front, leave no space for the motorcyclist to cross. So a bunch of idiots riding their stupid motor came and stopped next to our car because they can't cross anywhere. One of the idiots show faces to my boyfriend saying that we've blocked their way. So another idiots, who happens to be one of his friend riding another motor at the back, laughed and kicked my boyfriend's car. Boyfriend was mad but I had to stop him to do anything or confronting them. Because it seems like they thought they have ruled the world, they have SOOOOOO many of them, that if boyfriend decided to fight back, we might get killed -.- I had this fire in me that I so wanna punch them in the face but seriously, I'm gonna die. So the car infront moves, and they went away.

Couldn't stand this. They parked their cars on roadside, stand on the car and make noise, seriously like they have just own the world. Idiots who don't respect their own culture should have just die.

WONGFU4LYFE!

2012-02-05T23:14:00.000+08:00

So Wong Fu Productions is in Malaysia now and I didn't get to see them.

Few weeks or months ago, saw this banner that wongfu is coming to Malaysia on 4th of Feb, there's some event in Taylor's Lakeside Campus. And I thought " I must get the ticket". Then I saw the price was 90 plus. It's just too expensive. So I gave up and try not to think about it.

They tweeted on 2nd of Feb that they landed in Malaysia, I was pretty excited, thinking that I can stalk them at where they staying but too bad, no news about which hotel they are staying. Also they didn't mention where they are going these two days. They only said they'll be doing some interviews on tv and radio stations. So I stalk their profile and found out that they will be on 8tv Quickie and Hitz.fm. Didn't exactly watch the show live because I was outside but did manage to watch it online. On 3rd of Feb, they went for a press conference and some went there just to see them. They even go to Sunway Pyramid by themselves and people spotted them. Was so jealous. Some asked " Phil and Wes, why didnt you tweet about going to Sunway?" That is exactly what I wanted to ask. I would fly all the way to Sunway to see them. Since they are not movie stars or singers, they don't have manager around them or bodyguards, so if you see them walking around, a picture with them is definitely not a problem. So I watched all their chats and interviews, heard that they are going to Petronas Twin Tower today. So I waited. Wasn't really having the urge to stalk them there when I first heard because I thought it would be impossible.

Then I saw all the pictures and videos that people posted after yesterday's event. I bet ALL OF THEM had fun, including wongfu themselves, they were surprised that they have such a huge fan base here and people are actually crazy for them. I saw pictures of girls making banner saying " Phil, can you be my valentine" So they were also jolly to be here I assume. Also someone posted that the VIP tickets holder get to hug them! 90 plus would be so worth it if I get to hug Phil and Wes, talk to them. So, was being upset the whole night and I decided to stalk them at KLCC.

Went there and walked around, shop around, hoping to bump into one of them, at least, but no hope. It's getting late so we went back. I saw their pictures, I think they did walk around KL and went to the top of KL tower.

I should have know this from the start, I'll never be the lucky fan. Not in any celebrities that I dying to meet. I always randomly bump into some celeb but not those that I dying to meet. You heard people hugging them, talked to them, had lunch with them, went to the press conference, or the celebrity tweeted back their tweets, remembered them, say hi to them, or even win tickets to meet them personally, privately, but I'll never be the one. Just never that lucky. Jin from Hitz.fm said it's unbelievable that I see you guys always on my computer screen and now you are right in front of my eyes. Guess I'll never be that lucky. I can only see them in screen. So pathetic.

Anyway, they sound so convincing that they will be coming back, hopefully together with Ted. I think I'll buy the ticket next time. Hopefully they coming back real soon. They are so humble and friendly, I would really love to get to know them. Good Night guys :)

Egg standing day

2012-02-04T23:40:00.001+08:00

Last year, he told me that eggs can stand today at 12pm. Then I recalled that when I was younger, brother did make the egg stand once and I remember him saying it has something to do with the sun but I forgot what exactly he told me. So yes, last year we did manage to get the egg stood. This year, I did too and saw so many people did and capture it on Facebook. Till now my wall is still full with people posting the eggs and said they just did it. Only I know it can be done at any time of day. But is it really only today? I'm gonna try again tomorrow.

Btw, I'm really into something lately, numbered oil painting. Will blog about it soon :) good night

Why love is not everything?

2012-02-01T00:57:00.001+08:00

Love is a complicated thing because it will not involve you and your partner, it will also involve people around you or your partner. So many things on mind i can't sleep now

2012-01-30T02:22:00.001+08:00

Pimples, fats, sickness, grumpy etc

I'm dying to live back a normal life, where there is a routine of what time I'll be waking up and sleeping, where I can set which day I'm going to exercise. Looking back my pictures took 2 years back, I realize how fat I've became and how bad my skin has become. I'm dying to want my old body back. I want to sleep at 11 every night so that I'll be waking up everyday feeling super energetic. And obviously get rid of all these pimples. No more ulcers and coughing. I need rest I need rest I need rest I need rest i need rest I need rest......

2012-01-26T19:20:00.000+08:00

Brother went back this morning, and the home feels like how it used to be when brother is not around. No laughter, no happiness, is all about worries, little arguments, raising voices. And I constantly hide in the room to avoid being involved in situations like this.

Guess when people live together for too long, they found weaknesses. And it's up to you whether you can tolerate other people's weaknesses and keep yours. I'm not good at it. A very bad tempered person, I don't think I can tolerate much. Not when they simply blame you for nothing.

2012-01-25T00:21:00.000+08:00

If only I can blog like how those people write in novel. Expressing their thought on everything they've seen, everyone they've met. Been really into reading novels nowadays. I don't read much story books when I was a kid. I bought, I would say tons of horror story books when I was in Secondary. But I didn't end up reading all of it because I felt the uneasiness in me, reading a scary novel, alone in the middle of the night. Kinda creeps me out so I stopped reading. Back then, friends around me dig scary novels and I don't know why. Maybe just to show off or they really love the creeps in it.

Few years back, I start reading some normal novels. And then I got into College and had no time to read. Well, they(lecturers) always encourage us, if we had time, we should do revision. So that's basically why I stopped reading. My house now has piles of books, that I can even open a small bookshop for it. Plus I spent half of the book vouchers that government gave, buying novels. Since it's semester break now and I have a little time, I spent my time reading all the books. It's so addictive I can't even stop now. Just one I was reading earlier, it was a romance genre novel, which I bought for only RM8 during the book fair by Big Bad Wolf. Everything the writer wrote about her secret thoughts about her friends, people around her and things that happened around her, was basically what normal people would have thought of. I used to have the habit of writing diary, and it's because I enjoy writing my thoughts on what people have been on that particular day, and my thoughts on the situation that I've seen going on. But if I were to write everything that happens on that day, every thought, I don't think I have that kind of energy to write. That's why I started blogging.

However, one thing about blogging, you can't really write thoughts on the things you've went through. Even though people that you wanted to write about might not end up reading your blog, but trashing people in public seems terrible, especially when that particular someone is someone you know pretty well. Well, it's not always about trashing people, but I just don't feel good write about other people in public, without their permissions. And that is one of the reason why I don't blog more often. I can't find anything to blog about.

I figure out I could start typing my diary in my laptop, but that's gonna be really dangerous! What if, laptop spoils, needs to format, everything gone? Sighed. I must find a better way so I can express my feelings, because keeping it do no good to me. I'm gonna die of depression soon, keeping all these in me.

Anyway, enough of the blogging, novel-reading stuffs, It's Chinese New Year and brother came back. The whole family just seems to be cheery again. All tried to do anything, to make him feel as homey as possible. Let him eat as much local food as possible. This time brother came back and he's different. Well, almost every time he came back I sense a change in him. But this time, it's more. I often doubt we're in the same family because he lives life like a pop star and me, I'm just an ordinary girl, living in an ordinary country, studying course that over 500 people have think of studying, in a college where people describe as "cheap" and chinese-based. While brother is a genius, went to Singapore when he was only 17, with a scholarship, went into National U of Singapore (NUS), studying Engineering Science where only 50 of them able to study that. Works in Celebrity Chef, Daniel Boulud's French Restaurant in Marina Bay Sands. Of course he don't work there as waiter, for a start maybe, but he got all his luck with him since he was born, and of course he is a genius in everything he does, manager loves him and he's now somewhere in the management team. Learns about French food, wine, process of making the food, and also managing. Surrounded by people from all over the country, met Daniel Boulud and talked. Serving THE people, who pays few hundreds for a meal there. And seeing him spend on buying stuffs, I can say he is a very successful person for a guy his age. And that's when I wonder, will my life become something like this? At least something? I sighed.

Holidays.

2012-01-12T22:37:00.000+08:00

It's like finally, this day has come. I've only waited for 1 or 2 weeks but it feels like months already. Whatever the result is, I don't wanna care about it now, all I want is to enjoy my holiday before I suffer another semester. It's just gonna be worse. Anyway, gonna try to do something productive this holiday. I still haven't figure out what yet, but it will be something productive, not just sitting infront of the laptop and fb all day long.

If there's a short courses, like really short courses, 3 weeks, I would really take up one, like nail arts, makeup etc. :)

Guess I'm too lazy and tired after exam, nothing to blog. anyway, happy holidays guys! and take care during holidays :)

2012-01-07T22:48:00.000+08:00

Did badly for Japanese and PO. But I have no energy left to be sad about it. I used up all my energy. It's already over, whatever feelings towards it makes no matter. Answers already written, handed in, whatever I feels won't affect what I've wrote. I better get some good rest today and do my best for the last paper. It somehow feels like the end of the torturing period. Prolly cos I have 4 days to study for the last paper.

I can't go on blogging for today. I have so many thoughts in mind and all I wanna do is lye on my bed and cry all night long till I fall asleep. If only I'm big enough to live on my own, outside, away from here. If only they knew what they did to me, makes me cry alone at night. I will stay strong no matter what, till I live the dream of my life, I won't give up. Nothing's gonna pull me down.

2012-01-06T11:54:00.000+08:00

The fact that I have exam later at 2 30 and still blogging here, shows that either I done everything and have 100% confident on the paper or I have done everything I could and let the God decide for me. Sadly, it's the second one. Im having my jap paper later. People seems struggling for it. I am here don't know what to study. I tried memorising the vocab but it seems that my brain had shut down after fighting for all other papers, well specifically, marketing paper. I don't think I have much energy or interest left to study for the next 3 papers. But I had to, it's 3 papers! not 1 or 2 but 3! That's a lot to fail -.- So guess God wanna kill me in this paper so that I'll be afraid of it and gain my interest back and start studying for the last two. This timetable sucks I tell u. Fuck u.

2012-01-04T22:39:00.000+08:00

It's 2012 and I have no time to post what's been going on in 2011 and my new year resolutions, mainly because I am sitting for my finals. It doesn't seems new year to me until 12th of Jan, prolly I'll celebrate again, like seriously celebrate on 12th of Jan. But then, say only la, if I have the time to party, I would rather choose sleep or do some exercise, or blog, or read my story books. All these are part of my new year resolutions. I'm gonna make it happen after 12th of Jan and I'm gonna stay with it.

This seems like the longest exam period ever, but it's actually the shortest one I had so far in TarC. Feels long because I start my revision days even before Christmas! That's like so first time. Shortest because I'm sitting 4 papers in 1 week. On the 3rd, 4th, 6th and 7th. "This is a joke" Tarc might be thinking that we are superheroes. But..... I cannot fully blame on the one that set the timetable, because she will not able to satisfy everyone. You might ask, then why sacrifice us? You see, 2 and 1/2 yrs of Diploma, I never got any sucks exam schedule before, so I understand why we are now getting this. Let's just hope we all will be able to get through this without over stress ourselves and stay healthy. And Good Luck. There's only 3 papers more. and 2 is coming right away. These torturing days gonna past very soon... like real soon. Good night people, don't give up easily!

Christmas!

2011-12-26T16:05:00.000+08:00

I've had a great Christmas celebration this year. Thank you bro for the Ipod touch 4. I am in love with it now. For 20 years, I've been using stuffs that bro don't wanna use, like his macbook, his ipod classic, his phone, everything. And now he got me a brand new ipod :) Thank you sooooo much.

Also thanks daddy for the wonderful "Christmas shopping". So many new clothes and shorts and watches!

Thanks Hub for the Swarovski set!

I have nothing to ask for now except for good health, for my parents, relative, friends and me. Also bless my dog :) I'm the luckiest girl in the world, always has been :)

Merry Christmas people! Tarcian gotta start study hard now! Good luck everyone for final exam :)

Thank You God for everything :D

2011-12-12T09:44:00.000+08:00

"After today, I'll sleep at 11pm every night, start doing my revision for finals and eat more fruits, drink less ice water"

That's what I'm telling myself everyday but things keep come up and I'm still not sleeping at 11pm. Body is under and unhealthy state and I don't like it. But "assignment week" already over so guess I can have a little rest now before fighting for my finals. Thank God that I don't have to do any make good test this semester. Advanced is really different huh? I think 3 out of all my coursework, I just barely passed. This is not good for finals. I have higher chances of failing. Btw, finals timetable out so early this semester, and the dates of the exam are so close to each other. I REALLY have to start studying now, writing notes now or else I won't have enough time.

Oh did I mentioned about the Jap kids coming to Malaysia? Yeah, they came! Last Wednesday. And the whole thing was just awesome. Tuesday went for briefing and I saw so many strangers. Well not all are strangers, I saw quite a number of familiar faces, those SWC, TT Nights, OO Nights people. And surprisingly we have quite a number of good Japanese speaker in Tarcollege! And what's more charming than a beautiful twins speaking Japanese! Malaysian girls that speaks fluent Japanese are hot to me HAHA. I'm gonna seriously learn up my Japanese and start tackling some Jap kids.

So we reached there on Wednesday early morning, and each group are given a number. We are supposed to hold that number in a line when the buses arrive. It reminds me of the HK drama, where they take a board and waiting for people depart from the plane. So cool weh! And this tour guide, looks Malay, but he's definitely not, he speaks Chinese and Japanese so fluently wtf! So they came down and they saw their number, they come to us. The only word that I know the most is Hajimemashite. So brought them to the court and they line up according to their sports. And there is some hot guys and 1 hot lecturer. Too bad he don't speaks English! LOL. It was a great experience, it feels like I'm in Japan because there's 240 of them, so wherever I go I see them, speaking Japanese. So after the sport, bring them to the toilet and let them freshen up. They don't know how to use our flush because even our Canteen 2's new toilet is considered old fashion for them. AND THEY ARE FROM SOME RURAL AREA IN JAPAN. Oh Malaysia, pls wake up -.- So I did get a few Japanese boys' names haha. Bring them to the performance places, they sit and listen to speeches, by one of the twins and by my Jap tutor. Then it's campus tour time. Me and Albert in a group bringing 2 boys and 2 girls. They were so innocent and young. Only 17. And one of the boys said I speak Jap well! Haha that's cos he have not met the twins and other good Jap speaker hahaha. But I'll take that compliment! XD

Time flies and they left about 2 plus. It was so fast, we didn't get to bond enough or talk enough. But it was great and I miss them loads. Sadly I didn't get to talk to the hot guy I spot on earlier haha. So many of us spotted him wtf! Well, bye Jap kids. I hope you guys have a great time here in Malaysia and hope to see you guys again.

That is all for now, gotta get ready for college later. Love

2011-11-15T21:17:00.000+08:00

Got interview questions on Sunday, did it on that day, modify on Monday plus compiling at night, do introduction, citation, harvard referencing, justify, and all the freaking format stuffs + presentation slides, tuesday morning, skipped class to continue compiling stuffs, table of content, header footer, printing, photocopy, binding, safe assign and PRESENTATION. The very last minute before I present only I start memorising my part.

What is this la. It was a good experience but once is enough. I had my breakfast so hurry this morning to continue the compiling stuffs and I didnt even drink one bottle of water the whole day at school. In fact, I only start drinking like after my presentation, which means whole morning until afternoon, no water! Dehydration weh, I wonder how I tahan so long -.-

My hand sweat since last night until just now presenting. I'm glad it's over now. Please don't give me another, this is really stress.

2011-11-14T17:14:00.000+08:00

Advanced dip looks the same but it's totally not. It's only the first semester and so many felt like giving up already. I myself even think of giving up but that's not gonna happen to me unless I really gone crazy and need help from psychologist. And I'm afraid that's gonna happen soon.

It's really my first time feeling so shitty about my assignments. I don't think I can handle anymore stress. Haih, life sucks at the moment. Don't la torture me haih.

2011-11-09T22:07:00.001+08:00

Is being dumb a crime? T_T

2011-11-07T00:15:00.000+08:00

It's been more than a month. I had this craze for Westlife after their concert. How I wish the concert can last for few more hours, they can be here for few more days, I can see them for few more times. Right after the concert, many uploaded pictures and videos, posted about them. I didn't have the guts search and watch one by one because I would be so sad thinking that they left Malaysia. Been liking them for more than 10 years, listening to their songs whenever I'm up or down, and I only get to see them in person for 2 hours. 10 years of waiting for 2 hours, and not that I get to greet them or something. It was really sad because I guess they wouldn't come back in a short time. They went to Seoul and last was at Taiwan. Right after their Gravity Tour, they announced that they'll be splitting up soon, after their last album and last world tour. The world tour is next year. Many countries have been confirmed, but not asia. I haven't heard any news about them coming back next year yet.

Today I finally sat down and went youtube for their videos. Found so many clear videos, I think most of them filmed it using DSLR. They sat very far from the stage but able to zoom clearly. Looking back at the videos, I tried to recall what I've experienced on that beautiful night. I can't recall much, can't recall the small action they did on stage. I remember seeing some funny stuffs they did on the stage while singing. I remembered some part, where they sing their hits, I cried. I remember the part when I was sitting there waiting for them to come out, I almost cried. It was happy tear. I remember I laughed so loud and screamed so loud at so many moments. But it was all here and there, I can't recall clearly the whole process. I guess I was too excited that night, I danced and jumped so hard I forgot to enjoy and look at them. I was too into the singing, I didn't really sit there and just watch them sing.

Well, if they decided to come back to Malaysia for their last world tour, I would really spend it on buying the premier seats, just sit and enjoy, so that I have a clearer memories of meeting them because they are really worth it.

Dear Westlife, we, malaysians might not be the craziest fans that you guys ever have, but we do support you guys loads and hopefully you'll come back for us :) *hopefully if you guys ever come back, i'll be in malaysia, not in UK*

2011-11-06T20:22:00.002+08:00

4 days of holidays, it's the 3rd day already. What I've done? Am so lazy and not moving at all. Give me more motivation tomorrow please!

2011-11-04T13:16:00.001+08:00

Hello Life, why you're not being very nice to me recently?

2011-10-26T14:55:00.000+08:00

Feeling so down these days I don't know what I'm upset about. Life supposed to be fun and the last thing I wanna do is to waste time feeling all moody about life and things around me. Last night's fireworks were awesome but my dog scared and so she slept with me. I bathed her in the evening so gladly let her in and she slept on my little comfy place that I made for myself to relax whenever I feel life is a mess. She puked on it, I just found out. 3 of my stuffs kena. And the one that kena the most is the pillow that I pretty much adore. I remember it was a gift from daddy, many years back then. Gave it to mom to do the washing, but I don't think it'll still be the same after washing. Cotton not the same anymore, the look probably won't be the same anymore. This wasn't her first time, she puked on my secondary homework before. I'm not gonna let her sleep in my room anymore. I am mad. Seriously mad.

2011-10-24T20:31:00.000+08:00

Why do people have hidden intentions?
Why do people lie?
Why do people show emotions to the one that care that was trying to care?
Why do people throw their temper on simply anyone that talk to them at a bad time?
Why do people show emotions to those that was just trying to make things right?
Why do people show emotions when emotions cannot really solve anything?

People don't owe you for that, remember.

Advanced Diploma.

2011-10-23T21:32:00.001+08:00

It's the end of Week 5 already. Adv Dip is way harder than I thought. What I thought was, things wouldn't have much different. I thought I can still skip tutorial homework and still talk in lecture hall. And start my assignments last minute. But things are seriously different now. I remember how I used to be so carefree in presentation during Diploma. I have group mates that can come up with awesome ideas to impress the tutor and score high marks.

My new course has only 3 groups now, with a total of approximately 100 students. And somehow I'm the course rep again. Well, the office has my details, and since the beginning, they were calling me and texting me asking me to handle my course stuffs, and Mr. Prabha asked me to continue being a course rep, makes things easier. But the thing is no election was conducted and I somehow think that people would see me as "gila kuasa". This course is much easier to handle compare to the last one which has 15 groups, 15 class reps & 13 asst class reps. At least I doesn't have to make that much of announcement anymore. And paperwork are lesser compared to the last one. I don't have to sort out 300 over exam slips, 300 over semester bills. Even getting their contacts at the first place was hard. But that was all experience and memories. It's fun being course rep back then :) Boost my self confidence and overcome my stage fright. I'm more comfortable speaking to a crowd now.

I remember when I was in year 2, I have to escort the year 1 on the orientation day, and brief them about the course. It was raining, quite heavily. I have no ways to escort 500 over students to the venue given. I have to conduct my briefing on a table, not normal table. Those lecturer's table, with no mic or loud-hailer. If you're studying in TARC, imagine, 500 over students were all standing so close to each other, trying to fit in the college hall's main corridor. All so innocent, with their parents. I have to scream so that everyone can hear. And I gave my phone number to 500 over students -.- That was a bad idea after all. I had multiple message and call after that and the day after. From parents, from students with reasons they can't make it to the orientation program. I felt like a baby sitter LOL. But it was happy lah, being able to help people. I had a good feeling about it, only I know how good it feels to be in that position that moment :)

Now everything different, course narrow down to only 100 students left. And half of it are from other branches. My class itself half of it from Penang branch. It was awkward at first, but fun then. I get to learn hakka and hokkien! We hung out, had Sushi Bonanza! Wasabi fight LOL. That's the fun part haha. The not fun part about adv dip is I have to start doing tutorial questions. One of the lecturer actually used up 20 minutes making us feeling guilty for not reading case study. And she doesn't wanna discuss the question because only few of them read the case. And text book is a must in adv dip. No more extra activities.

I miss being a part of SWC. Just last thursday, my juniors came in to my lecture hall with their juniors to promote upcoming SBS Night. I was called out to write name for the certificate. And it was fun talking to the juniors, and get to know their juniors. I watched their video and I so wanna be apart of the committee, building stage together, arranging goodies bag, stay up till late night preparing, fights in the meeting, handling issues, dressing up, photo shooting, holding walkie talkie and walks like one of the important people in the event, everything was a good experience. Deep down from my heart, I wish all my juniors have a successful event on 28th of Nov, so that we can all once again witness miracle like what we did on 28th Nov 2010. Make it a remarkable one and set higher standards for your juniors so that we are improving every year.

Thanks for all the memories that has changed me to who I am today. College life is a stage where everyone should experience and have fun. We experienced things that we don't get outside. The performances, the people, the lecturers, the officers, the course mates, the team mates, the society, the leaders, the activity, the events, the games, you don't get it outside. You can only be silly in college life. Play kid's game and still think it's fun. Try playing kid's game when you're outside working, you wouldn't get the same thing. It's sad that I'm halfway of my college life and another a year plus, I'll have to leave. I'll miss every single person I've met for sure. Thank you God for an amazing memories so far and I know there's more to come :) Live life and enjoy. You can't have everything at the same time, just enjoy what you have now.

Westlife in Malaysia :)

2011-10-14T16:40:00.000+08:00

People asked, out of so many new singers/bands nowadays, why Westlife? They're old! Few months, somewhere around August, I found out that Westlife is coming to Malaysia on the Oct 7th. I bought Gold seats. I don't consider myself as their super fans, I don't go check on their twitter everyday, I don't collect their pictures, I don't make an album of them, I don't have their posters, I'm just a normal girl, who particularly like this band. The last time they were here was 9 yrs ago and I was 11 back then. I remember I used to listen to their songs during my primary school, I was so crazy about them that I listen to them everyday and dance to their songs. I was so crazy, that I'm able to identify who was singing which verse. And I know all of their names back then. Then soon, as I grow up, I wasn't that crazy about them anymore. I still listen to their songs now and then.

It's the 7th of Oct, I was so excited. The week before I was searching all info about their new songs, preparing for their concert. I went and waited for hours. I was so excited when I reach the stadium that I actually shed happy tears. I can't believe that I'm about to see them. Finally they came out and start singing. It was really unbelievable, more like dream come true. I shed so many happy tears that night. I rushed to their hotel once the concert ends, and saw many were waiting also. Met some friends there and they were also stalking them, good stalker by the way. We went up to the pub, after waited for more than half an hour at the lobby. They are supposed to be at the pub for after party to celebrate the boys' birthday. We overheard someone saying they're not there yet, but they will be there soon and the party starts at 2am. Which means, waiting in the lobby are useless because they are already in the room freshen up, went in using the secret pathway.

I went back and decided to go all the way to KLIA tomorrow for their departure. I did research and they were said to leave the hotel at 6pm and their flight is at 11.30. So I reached KLIA at around 5 plus, didn't go to the hotel because thought I wouldn't be able to make it at the airport if I were to follow them from the hotel. So I was there at KLIA, walking around, keep on trying to online, looking around. Got info that they're coming and that was like already 10 plus, I can't see them coming through the front door. I walk from an end to another just to look for them, I know their gate and where they should register, but no they're not there. Finally I saw them registering inside the platinum area. I saw Nicky and Mark. Quickly running towards there and look at them, I saw Shane and Kian sitting down.

They came out and walk towards the escalator, they were walking pretty fast, with two bouncers. I was so shocked, being this close to them, I forgot that I'm actually there to get their autograph. People were shouting their name, talking to them, giving them Sticky. I forgot what I'm supposed to do, and not sure if I should scream their name like them and talk to them, some even stop them and take picture with them, bouncers pulled them away, but AT LEAST, they got it right? In the end, I got nothing, nothing from them. I didn't talk to them, I didn't ask them for anything because I was so scared. I just followed them. I was so stupid not doing anything when Kian was walking right beside me for at least 20 secs without bouncers. That time I was thinking whether I should ask for the autograph or not. I regretted.

I went home, and got so crazy about them, I search everything about them. I listen to their song everyday. I was so sad looking at people's pictures. They talked to them, high 5 with them, take pictures with them, got their autographs. I'm sad.

But this is a lesson. I learned how to stalk them the next time :(

2011-09-25T19:03:00.000+08:00

At a point where deal with it doesn't work out anymore, I chose to run away. To hang out, to get wasted, to laugh, to flirt, everything. I just wanna get away. Deal with it is a bad idea. It's better to just open one eye close one eye, things will be better. Be a dumb woman, dont be a smart one, they don't like it. Act like you know nothing, see nothing. Things will get better. Say hello to life. Say hello to man. Say hello to sucky relationship. What's with girls and commitment? Commitment kills a relationship. better just enjoy and don't care a thing.

2011-09-20T22:15:00.000+08:00

I graduated my diploma :) Anyway, I'm not THAT happy cos many failed and have to sit for the special examination. It feels like we couldn't celebrate the fun together and it's not that fun anymore. sighs. I hope everyone do well in their special examination. And I'm not happy because his result out only at tomorrow. Hates the waiting but I trust God it's for some good reason. I again pray that he will get good results and start a brand new life, which is really important for me and him, and his family. Good luck everyone. I want everyone to be happy, including my family and me :)

Started my first ABU's lecture. It was marketing, and it was pretty boring. I'm still doubting, to change or not to change to ABM. Not gonna blog much, not really in a mood. Was spoiled by a so called "friend".

2011-09-07T13:20:00.000+08:00

I constantly remind myself not to take things or people for granted. God constantly brings up things around me to show that this is what I get if I take people or things for granted. I once had the worst health that I can ever have, and I turn to God and start appreciating things around me, I make myself sleep well, eat well, live well. But now that I'm okay, I tends to take it for granted, I tell myself, it's okay to sleep late once in a while. It's okay if I have not drink as much water as I should, it's okay that I wanted to have fun until late night today. But this goes on, and now I'm sick. I don't like my condition now. I slept at 4am, I skipped breakfast, ate brunch, skipped proper lunch and almost skipped most of my dinner. I'm tired of living this way and I'm going back on track. This is also why I'm hoping that semester break will end soon and I get good results, advanced diploma will be a new life. For now, I'm forcing myself to drink as much water as I can, eat as much fruits and vege as I can, and sleep at 10am.

As about all the emotional post that I typed last few days, don't worry guys, I'm okay now. Things have been solved. And am really grateful with the solutions. Throughout the whole time that I was down, I must thank Sherlene for everything that she gave me. She's more than just a best friend. Drove all the way to my house and bring me out to comfort me. I'll do whatever it takes to keep a friend like her. With no intentions, but just to make sure that I'm okay and happy. I owe u things that I never gonna finish repay my whole life :) You'll see friends' true colours when you truly need them.

Thank you others, for all the caring, asking, support and love :) I'm all good now. Thank you God, for giving me all these. Take care you all, if we're going separate ways after this semester.

2011-09-03T13:44:00.000+08:00

身边所有的事情都逼到我很紧。我该做什么？到底我应该怎样走？到底我应不应该相信？很紧，很紧。我无法做决定了。我到底变成谁了？做么根本不像真真的我？

2011-09-02T13:54:00.000+08:00

我改变了他，他也改变了我。看来，以前的我们已经不在了。事情也不能回到以前酱，只好接受。以前的我，完完全全的不会怀疑你，而以前的你，根本不会说出这种话。很开心你怎么坦白。可是笨笨的我，无法完全相信你应为以前的过去。而你也无法体谅我了。看来，两年的路程，就快要结束了。我准备好了。

2011-09-02T02:36:00.000+08:00

I feel so much better today after hanging out. After letting all those out. I'm not really sure about why I'm feeling good again. Many reasons I can think of, but the main one was because I'm giving up? I'm not sure. But I wasn't at my weakest already, at least for now. I hope I'll stay strong till whenever I need to.

It's silly that someone thinks that smoking and drinking can solve problem, the same thing, it's silly that someone thinks that by running away can solve problem. Who doesn't wanna get away when problems are there, but problems are meant to be solved. I don't respect anyone who runs away when there's problem. You know, going out having fun just to forget about the stuffs. In the end, u will have to turn back and deal with it. Be a man, deal with it right away to end the suffer that u're causing yourself and others.

2011-09-01T12:28:00.000+08:00

Was trying to hold back everything every moment. Trying to hold back the tears, trying to hold back my heart from wanting to do something that make myself looks stupid. I had enough, can we please end this? No matter what the results are, I don't care anymore, can we just end this?

2011-09-01T09:59:00.000+08:00

Everything seems to be in slow motion. I lost weight. I had sleepless night. All that for nothing. I even had nightmares. So much, for nothing.

It's quite personal, it's just my place to let things out. Don't judge.

2011-08-31T13:17:00.000+08:00

Have not been able to eat anything since yesterday. Whatever things I put into my mouth I feel like throwing up. Not even drink. It's okay, I'm not sick or anything. I'm just going through something that I really cannot take it anymore. So many wake up call, I'm awake now from a beautiful dream. Was really trying hard to get over it. I put everything away and start cleaning up my room, my stuffs. I put away anything that can remind me of what I'm going through. My bed is now all empty, no more plush toys. I took away anything that tries to pull me down again. I'm good now, all good. I'm good at forgetting stuffs that I dont like. And months later, these bad memories that I had will vanish like I never had all those memories before. How can someone willing to hurt someone that they truly love? It's impossible. Is either you get bored of him/her or you're seeing someone else, cos you won't want to do things to hurt him/her. I'm all wounded now and needs time to heal. If this doesn't work out anymore, I'm not gonna be committed to anything or anyone anymore. Being committed spoils the fun that I had in me and they got bored of me when I'm not fun to be with anymore. What I want was easy if you can guessed it, it's not that I hide everything. I gave you answer, not hints, I gave answer to what you're guessing at a different time. And if you're calm enough to think back whatever I said for that many many months that we've been through, you find the answers of what I want. I'm ashamed to say that guys can step on me easily because I'm not a hard partner to be with if you understand me well, understand my weaknesses well, understand what I'm not able to give, understand what I'm able to give but not willing to give, understand what I truly want deep inside me but not able to put it into words. I gave you answers to all your questions, you just have to search which answer fits best for which questions. If only you'll read this. You're changing to someone that I'm really afraid of. And I'm not even able to listen to your name or see anything that somehow related to you. It feels so different from anything that I ever experienced before. How can someone hurt someone that deep, how come someone has so much impact on someone. So much so that it can make a person suicide. What were you thinking? What ARE you thinking? We're like strangers again. I wish I lost all memories of yours and things can start all over again. Constantly have this memory flash about how we met, and how we have this special feelings and leads us to where we are now. It's scary. It's so scary that I'm not able to close my eyes and fall asleep because whenever I'm thinking, all the memories just came into my mind and I'm not able to forgive or forget anything that you did to hurt me. After all that we've been through, after all those that we've been through, God, is he not the one? If yes, then why so far? Why I'm not clever enough to find out earlier, now that I went too far that I cannot take it back. I'm disappointed to the max.

2011-08-25T10:34:00.000+08:00

Is it only me or other people have the same situation?
Often had so many thoughts on mind that I want to put it into words, either by writing or blogging, but whenever I sit down and starting to write, I had no idea what to put in. No idea where to start, what to start with, how to start with. I'm feeling very not me now, feeling lost. I am not the original me. I want to have fun. I want to be spontaneous as always to hang out with friends. What have I got myself into?

2011-08-24T23:32:00.002+08:00

One day, I will be who I always wanted to be :)

2011-08-21T17:51:00.000+08:00

I'm not sure what but there's something that's in my way, blocking me to focus on my study. I just doesn't want to memorize anything anymore, getting tired of this. The notes and everything are all over the place. I cannot focus, I cannot memorize anything, I don't know where to start. I getting very nervous and I know it doesn't help by just sitting here blogging, I gotta do something. I'm gonna arrange my notes properly, take a good long bath and make a place for me to study. Hope it helps. Hope I managed to memorize everything I need for exam. Be strong! Nothing can get into my way because I'm good! I will and managed to get a good score and throw it to the tutor face who is not willing to help us, not even a little. What is life without a degree? I must continue. Stay strong. Good luck everybody.

2011-08-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

I want to cry. Stupid exam. What is it for? When I play songs that my teacher gave me, I remember it for quite some time and if I play it everyday, I can remember it forever. But when my teacher gave me exam pieces, I played it so forcefully, for that few months, and after the exam, I totally forgot every single thing of it. It's the same theory, if exam is to question us whether we know or not what we've studied, then it's pointless because forcing everybody to study in a short period of time is stupid. I never hate exam this much in my life.

2011-08-20T10:38:00.000+08:00

After 2 days of intense group study, I thought I know it all. If not all, perhaps 80% of it. I understand every single thing I read. And I know how to use the formulas. The moment I got the paper, I opened it and read through, by just reading through I thought I know how to do. I know which chapter she's talking about and which formula is in that chapter. I quickly scribble down whatever that's on my mind and start with the first question. The first was okay, the second, I got a lil confused, the third, I don't even know how to start, the fourth, I don't know what it is talking about and the last, I simply not know what to write. The way she presents the answer so differently that I didn't know how to apply the formula into it. And which part of the formula she wants me to find. I don't know where to find the thing to substitute in the formula. Damn! I was so upset with myself that I thought I know everything but in the end of those intense group study, all the efforts, were wasted. And I thought for once I can make myself proud that I actually can do well in finance paper. I'm never good at any paper that has something to do with money. I failed my Introduction to Accounting first year, I barely understand what my teacher was talking in the Fundamental of Accounting class, and I had no single knowledge on Business Finance, after attending all classes for 13 weeks. Guess there's no chance for me to happy again to score in any money related paper. All I asked for now is to just pass that paper. Nothing more. Oh well, maybe some more, let me score well in other paper

(I guess) I wont not regret.

2011-08-12T20:28:00.000+08:00

Sent out my withdrawal letter to Mr. Simson today. I hope I won't regret. That's it. Sighs. I can barely accept my sucky attitude. Hate myself for being so not daring. Sighs. I want to be different! Everyone wants to and many succeed, why not me? :(

It's that time of the year again.

2011-08-11T20:41:00.000+08:00

Exams starts on the 19th. I only have 6 days to finish all my 4 subjects, each have more than 10 chapters to memorize. To make myself feel better, I studied FCA Chapter 1. To be honest, I flipped through Chap 1 and I still haven't memorize a thing yet. Well, college sucks because they force me to still attend classes this week as the coursework marks are not all out yet. If not I will have more time to motivate myself to study. I'm planning to wake up in the wee hours to study. Bad idea huh?

Btw, the reason I'm wasting time here is because I can't get into facebook. Sighs. Oh rmb that day I told you guys I won the redfm thing? I got my prize already! Collected it yesterday. And it was awesome! Im gonna go enjoy a free buffet and free movie haha. Hope the food is good :D

Hmm. What else? Oh hey, I turn down KPMG BEST PROGRAM. I know, I was the one worrying like shit wanting to get inside because my cgpa was below the requirement. And now when people finally want me, I want to withdraw pulak. Blame the bad timing. The gap is too long and I already lost the mood going there. And the camp which is on 7th to 9th SEPTEMBER is just too soon. So I'm sorry group member, I wasted your time asking me whether to go or not. If I wasn't a student, if my studies aren't struggling, I'll definitely go. But I'm afraid I might not have enough time to commit in this and even if I have, I might neglected my studies. So bye BEST program.

What happened randomly.

2011-08-04T23:22:00.001+08:00

Dinner at this time? Oh my. But food from Bombay Palace was awesome :)

Oh damn, exam slips are out and I seriously don't understand why they must trouble me. It's all in alphabetical order again, after been complaining for many months. Sighs, I hate the people at office, it might be Mr. Nasir that's doing the thing, and he likes me a lot, praises me in front of the lecturers and wish me luck in exam all the time, often ask about me, but that doesn't stop me from hating him cos not doing his job well. sighs. Why some people can be lazy and why not me? As I'm holding the position, I cannot stop but to make sure everyone got their thing. First of course I don't want to be blame by anyone, and I don't last minute trouble. Second, there's something in me makes me just cannot let go of anything that somehow has a little relation with me -.- somehow lah, little bit lah -.- I just don't like things to be done in an imperfect way -.- gahh.

Ah and something awesome happened today too was I finally understand a little bit of what my BF lecturer is talking about, yeap after the 13 weeks I'm in lecture, I finally understand a little :) Aren't too late yet hor? :D

Not be able to sleep at 11pm these days because there's a new drama series on astro 311, those who watched pps might know "gong zhu jia dao" haha. Can't help but to watch till the end, the actresses are all my favourite, somemore princess show haha. nice :D Causes me to only do my thing at 10.30pm (when the show ends) so yea, is either I didn't finish up my thing, or I can't sleep at 11pm. both are bad!

Anddddd the last thing I wanna let you guys know is, I finally bought my Westlife concert tickets! Muahahahaha! and it's in the Gold zone, my first time spend so much on a concert lo, well actually not my money lah, i don't work so i'm not able to vomit rm233 for just a ticket, my dad love westlife too and he knows i like them a lot so.. hehehe :) i love you daddy! :D I've only been to 1 concert, officially, and it's avril. I bought the cheapest and it was rather disappointing. Because I only hear live, I don't see live. Seeing her with a binocular, doesn't make her look live -.- But the concert atmosphere was awesome after all. Very rocking haha. Btw what did i meant by saying 1 concert, officially. I actually been to few concerts before, but singers my age, only Avril. Other concerts I've went to was Cliff Richard, which most of my friends will never know who he is because he is a very old singer that my daddy likes a lot. Then I went to Michael Learns to Rock before, I'm sure some of my friend should know who they are but will never ever wants to go their concert because they sing mostly, almost all love songs. Kids don't like soothing music huh? -.- And erm, I've been Fish leong, ah many of them will know but not much will crazy about her. These are all I remembered so far, and why it's not official because I go with my dad and his clients. So I just follow, I didn't know what's the process. And because its with his client, we get to see like just behind the vip. and that's awesome because MLTR leads singer walk in front of me like only 100 cm away from me. hmm other concerts that I think I should have go but I did not was Richard Clayderman, wasn't really a concert cos he's a pianist which I like the most, and ABBA at Istana Budaya, i thought they were too old for me back then but their songs were nice to dance after all, even the sultan was there, according to my dad that went. He said everyone dancing so joyfully. Hmm, my opinion on concerts is, only those who last are worth watching. And why did I went to Avril because pop singers don't seem to last very long was because i was offered by a good friend and even if she did not, me and my brother and my good friend was a crazy fan of avril. i have few of her original cd, posters, and my brother hand made a masterpiece of her and it's still her. of course my brother is a much more mature man now and not into her anymore, but i still like her songs. other than that, singers that don't last, not really worth watching, you see that's why they do not last long. as mentioned in the older post, im very old type of person la, my thinking was old so i like oldies -.-

thats all for today, most of the thing i posted today are not related :D so random.

Just the second I posted this post, someone called me and I thought it was my FCA lecturer, but it was late at night so it couldn't be her. It's from Redfm hahaha. I'm a fans of redfm actually, been listening to them everytime the radio is on. but i still switch channels lah when the songs aren't right for me. I did this before, redfm have this late night love songs session from sunday to friday, 10pm to 1am. and u get to dedicate songs to your love ones. u can text, u can request through online, chances are they might not call u at once, it might be a week later, that is also if your song is chosen. My first time was few months back. and then, was being very bored the other day so I do it again. I was so lucky to not only got chosen, but also won a dinner for two at Laman Grill and also any movie of my choice! How awesome. Haha for the first time, I felt lucky, i never won anything like that before. I don't usually get stuffs like that haha. thanks, hope the movie dinner date will turn out to be a great one. those who caught me on air, do drop a message lemme know haha. and im also very glad that i manage to ask hub to listen to the dedication :D

The day my mom lost a friend, the day I gain back an old friend.

2011-08-03T23:57:00.000+08:00

My mom didn't lose a friend because they argued. Yes, my mom argued with friends at this age. Even I am embarrassed to talk this here -.- But it was a friend from her gym and he's a year older than my bro. To me it was because there was a misunderstanding and a bad time to comment, so that's what cause them to argue. I think my mom overreacted towards the whole thing, but the guy wasn't at all right. So yeah, that's their story. hmm, I too had an issue with a really good old friend of mine, a year plus ago. I don't really remember what happened, but it just happened so sudden that I actually asked him what was it that got u so mad. Till now, I still don't know why. But anyway, we're good now and different from how we used to be. But it's good lah, it's good. I am happy to still have old friends because friends now don't show their real faces, you just never figure out when they are pretending and when they are not. Btw, I forgot that I am presenting this morning, so I woke up earlier today and while washing, I only remember, it was because I still couldn't memorise my timetable after so many months studying.

That's the real me.

2011-08-01T16:43:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry that I owe the whole committee their certificates.
I'm sorry that I owe the office very, very overdue minutes.
I'm sorry that I owe myself a good rest at night and a hot milk.
I'm sorry that I owe many people many things and myself.
Hey, it's August! Had a steamboat birthday celebration with a friend last night. Everyone around me turns 21. I'm feeling old. Hmm, but I felt old long time ago when people asked me out, and I rejected, I prefer stay home, do chores, relax and do my own thing. Not as social as how I used to be, or should I say, not as "sam ye" as how I used to be. "Sam ye" is in canto, means the heart very itchy, see people out then you wanna out. Like when babies, they don't want to sleep cos people switch on the tv or they are people talking. Yeah that's what you called sam ye. How do u say it in English anyway? -.- When I was younger, when in secondary school, most of my classmates get to hang out with friends on the weekend or they can go out yam cha, shopping, attend friend's birthday party, they even can go on trip with friends. But me, I was raised in a quite conservative type of family, so they were being very paranoid back then, now still, but not that much anymore, yeah they were very paranoid and lock me in the house, afraid that I might be kidnapped or make friends with bad people. So I don't get to go out very often, only like once a month. Not even every month. So I became naughty and sneaked out after class. Lying that school have stay backs so I can't leave. But that doesn't work all the time cos my dad used to call my school's teacher, after I got busted for the first time. He doesn't seems to trust me anymore, and I got locked in the house EVEN MORE. Then when I graduated from secondary school, all my friends work part time while waiting for college to start, I pulak sam ye again wanna work not because I want to earn money, but because sam ye lo. So I got myself so tired at the end of the working period. Barely had enough rest for my legs. Then move on to college, I cannot tahan my sam ye also, I follow everywhere my friends go to. I think being 3 years already in college, I've tried everything that I've wanted to try, well for now i really did felt that way. hmm so i'm becoming very old as in, i doesn't really care anymore if they get to go, i don't get to go. if they got that kind of freedom, i don't. cos this doesn't really matter at all, it will all come to you when it supposed to. that's why people are hating me thinking that im anti social, but i seriously have much more things to do at home and myself. i dont just go back and sit watch tv. sighs.btw, sleep became quite important to me now, and if i don't get enough sleep, i get very cranky at myself and going crazy -.- but they usually like to hang out during my sleeping time, thats why im rejecting many of the offers. i don't reject them all the time lah, when it's really big event going on, like trip or whatsoever big dinner, big outing, i'll go la once in a while. but they just don't get it. so ya, i admit im old now that i dont hang out anymore, i dont eat fast food nor drink soft drinks. doesn't even munch on snacks. but i like the way i live lah. i doesn't like feeling all toxic in my body, all fats here and there, constipation -.- pimples, dark circles, and coughs sore throat. sighs give me a break. dont tease me for just being old. u wont like me if i were to force myself eat fast food with u guys, sniffing all the smokes from the other table, drinking all the gassy drink. sighs. dear friends, im sorry if u guys think the other way. but thats just me.

The day I felt being...

2011-07-27T23:44:00.000+08:00

They say life sucks when u don't have friends, I say life sucker when you have pretender friends around you. Pretend that u're so important to them, yeah only when they needed you. Pretend that they're such a good friend of yours but hey look back what u've done. Treats you like a ball, they kick you to wherever they want to when they don't want you.

Oh hey! Westlife is coming this october 7th, i've always been a fan of them since I was like 8 or 9 years old. Tho I don't have their original albums, don't have all their songs, not constantly keep up to date about them, but yeah, i love them to the max and Westlife has been my favourite band for many many years. Never get tired listening to their songs. It will be at bukit jalil, and the cheapest ticket will be selling at rm95. The cheapest seats is a place where u can't see them with ur naked eyes. u gotta get a binokular. so im praying that im lucky enough to win anything just to get closer to them. backstage passes, or meet up with them, their cds, or nearer seats, whatever, i'll do anything to just see them and say hi :)

Btw, i don't think i'll update very often on my blog anymore cos time is limited and im writing at diary now cos things are getting way too personal to just type it here. hmm anyway. good luck people, with anything, everything :) love u all.

The day I felt the best.

2011-07-21T22:48:00.001+08:00

*sipping my hot milk* It's the day that seriously can relax. I feel so... simply happy. And relax. I finally finished all the assignments! I submitted for safe assign and I only got 4% of plagirism. Thank You God! you see, i'm the type of girl that is very dependent. I cannot live alone = i cannot live without anyone that's in my life now. And i cannot run away from everyone that's in my life now. Who's in my life, not only family and boyfriends, but just simply everyone that once said hi to me, that once smiled to me. even grandpa grandma outside the street, those strangers that i've helped before, i just couldn't live without u guys, and u guys totally cannot leave me. thats why it hurts me a lot when i see dogs abusing, animal abuse, old man/ lady got killed/robbed, parents got dumped by their kids, i cried. friends betrayed me, friends that looks like a friends to me but throw me aside when im unhappy or throw me aside when i needed them, i cried. i do admit that i do hate them for that moment they did things like that, but friends seem to be important people in my life, i cannot hate them for long. most for a day. oh wait out of topic, yeah was talking about my assignment. u see, this is my very first individual assignment that wants my life. not only 1 must write 2500 words, we must also search for examples to get extra marks. and my concern was on, how to do all this all by myself? usually i get group mates to help on the cover page, table of content, plagirism statement, page numbering, citation, appendix. yeah usually group mates done all these and i just do my part of content. i sucks to the max when it comes to microsoft word, to be honest, i need help even on doing a table of content. walao, i know right. sighs. this time i have to do all these alone and i was lucky enough to have my hubby, microsoft half genius to help me. and i have friends to remind me what to put where and how to do what. was really glad that i finally finished the ind assignment in just 2 days. i throw my heart into it. this is by far, assignment that took all my efforts away. i read every single website, i search thousands of sites, to cut off only few things to include in my assignment. im not good at english, therefore i cant change sentence by just looking at the original one. i have to search over 10 websites that are saying different definition for 1 thing. den i coming it together to make it 1 sentence in my assignment. see? sighs. thats why its a tiring one. cos every single sentence in there, i created myself, except for 4 sentences that kena plagirise -.- now all assignments of all subjects are out to the management, and i am hoping that i'll get back good marks on most of the assignments. next up on the list is 2 presentations, and revision for test. im gonna grab lots of frens this time to revise with me. it's my last freaking sem for dip. i dont want to repeat. chasing uk dream! :) ouh, bad weather nowadays, so guys do take care, sleep at 10pm and wake at 6am is the best, drink 8 to 12 cups of water, and exercise! i wish everyone thats sick, pls get well soon, and those that are not, continue take care of ur wonderful body given by God :) thanks you for everything, i am happy today.

2011-07-18T21:16:00.000+08:00

GIVES ME MOTIVATION TO DO MY FCA!

2011-07-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

it's all over the news, sighs. i still couldn't get the pictures of my head. it keeps replaying. hurts me enough to see all these. i hope all these end very soon. god bless. other than that, birmingham keeps running through my head too. should I really go?

2011-07-09T11:39:00.000+08:00

Finally, most of the assignments are done. Now i'm having an individual assignment on HR, a questionnaire and a coursework test next week. I'm not really satisfy with my finance coursework marks, but I think that's what I only deserve. So just be it, hoping to get higher on assignment to cover it up. Hmm, after weeks of struggling on 2 assignments that not only drives me crazy, it also drives the whole class, whole course crazy, i just wanna stop doing assignment. Yeah in my dream. Sighs. Gotta start doing revision soon or else it'll be too late. Fortunately, there's this september special examination, for you to resit if you fail any of your main paper. That's all for now, btw, it's 9th July today. People on my facebook are turning their profile pictures to yellow. i got a very yellowy page now. my point is, based on my own opinion, that it's useless for them to put such things on their profile pictures cos government will not give in by just the number of people changing their pictures into yellow. so why bother? if u think it's a trend, lagi useless, cos u indirectly makes everyone thinks that if they don't keep up with the trend, they're not so called malaysians. who doesn't want a peaceful malaysia? everyone in my fb, put status saying that I want a peaceful malaysia, but on the other hand, posting all sorts of videos regarding the rally, and changing profile picture, teasing this and that. If you really want a peaceful malaysia, stop doing that and sit there. less people on each side, easier to talk things out. i'm not in red or in yellow. im just a malaysian that wants the country to be better. god, please help us.

ps : when people advises you not to change your profile picture, for your own good, remember your manners and don't say people are scared of dying. chinese said " pa si ". it's okay if u doesn't wanna listen, but dont try to influence others to follow what u're doing by asking them to do things like what u did and if they dont, tease them for being a coward, cos everyone has their own rights to speak. wake up u bitch.

2011-07-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

Sometimes u just wished that u're that someone, having that kind of life, having that body, having that kind of friends, having that kind of style, having that kind of personality, that smile, sometimes u just have to be grateful of who you are. stop comparing, Yunni. There must be reason why you are with who you are with now, and be treated by how you are being treated now, and act like how you are acting now, u just gotta find the reason and live it up. anything that i ever wanted in my life, just simply everything, will not happen on me.

2011-07-04T10:45:00.000+08:00

I want to blog but nothing to blog.

2011-07-01T23:19:00.000+08:00

It's been years since I last wrote on my diary. I started writing it when I was standard 5, because it was a trend back then -.- then i got addicted to the feeling, i want every single good things to be remembered and I want to express every single bad thing that i'm feeling but it was too private to tell anyone, so diary was the best idea. and i got lazy after that so i stopped. working after graduated from high school, and it was exhausting to even walk after work. so many things started to just kept inside me when i dont write. started writing blog and it reminds me of how good the feeling is when you have "someone" to express to. but still you cant write everything in blog right? something is just too personal. sighs. and so, i write again. back to the basic. i hope i'll feel better this way. because i tried on anyone that i can talk to but things doesn't work out. i still didn't get any better, in fact, worse. i doesn't wanna get depression lah wth. sighs. i wish i can go somewhere and scream out loud without hurting my throat or voice. good night.

2011-06-26T12:18:00.000+08:00

I must continuously feeling this motivated so I can get my things done. My legs feeling way better now but it still hurts and I can't wear heels. Last night was a torture wearing heels to TT night. TT night was great btw. Have not been to college events for quite some time already, after I passed on SWC. Life now without politics is just great! :) I wish my juniors luck in handling their juniors. I wish SWC luck so that SWC can still maintain their professionalism. I wish all those who have joined and learned a lot of things like me, good luck :) SWC changed my life 180 degree. I'm a better person now. Am still improving!

2011-06-21T16:04:00.000+08:00

Life is a complicated equation, I can't seems to simplify it. For the first time, I was gardening yesterday and turns out something really bad happened. Honestly, my parents working and my house's pots are all dead with soil that bought many many years ago. Theres a huge pot outside my house with a plant that almost dead. Since mom have always have this need to find pandan leaves, I decided to plant a pandan leaves stolen from roadside. Took out all the soil inside the pot and it was scary because the soil in the pot has been there for more than 10 years. I bury my dead turtle there -.- Suprisingly all things that I've buried dissolved. and all I can find was many many rubbish, it was because the pot located under the place we hang rubbish, and whole lot of shells which my daddy buried it few years back because I have no longer use the shells, those were real shells I picked on beaches when I was really young. And not surprisingly I found the red ants home. They stay in the old plant's root, with all their babies inside and the soil WAS their world. They never come out I guess. I was a big killer ytd as I killed the whole red ant family, don't come find me in my dreams, I was doing good for my plant and family. You would have bitten me to death if I don't kill you. Anyway, that's not the only creature that lives in the pot, I found too one earthworm and I buried it back inside as some say it's good for the soil. And guess what, a centipede too. It ran so fast and hid somewhere around the stones and I thought it would run away. In the middle of gardening, it came back out and ran so fast into my house, I was worried because it would have hide somewhere my house and soon bit my dogs. I rushed to where it head to and step on it, unfortunately I didn't manage to step on it fast and I kicked on my gate. Hub managed to kill it then but my feet was injured. I thought bone fracture at the moment, seriously. I was so serious and tell him that I think I broke my feet. Luckily I didn't, I still manage to control the movement of my feet and it gets really pain I can hardly walk. But still I keep on with my work, I get the clothes in and fold all of it, I washed all the plates, I feed my dogs and when I bathed at night, I saw my leg turns into black. I got freak out and wanted to go for chinese doc. But daddy said see how first, he's not there looking at my leg of course said see first. It got so black, bruise that i never even see before. I shouldn't walk anymore so that blood won't rush so quickly to my leg, I have to lay on the sofa and I kept on rubbing it. After rubbing it, the black turns to purple and dark red, and it spread all over my feet. My dad got scared when he got back and saw my leg, urged me to the clinic tomorrow, but this morning when I woke up, things got better. It was finally not black anymore, but still the whole thing is still bruise and swollen. I can't still walk straight. and it hurts when something touched on it. Not to mention i'm still suffering from minor cough because I was so sick last weekend. I broke my favourite cup because I couldn't manage to stop sneezing. Sighs ended up I delayed my assignment. I'm actually not angry that they got mad at me, i doesn't wanna give an essay of explanation why i'm late. I don't usually send late my assignment to group mates. I handed in first with a complete answer my first assignment. sighs, stop protecting myself. the thing is, for the assignment, everybody in the group get chances to choose which questions they are capable of doing, I didn't choose but I mentioned which i doesn't wanna do cos i don't know how to do. So they doesn't wanna choose and the one that I tak nak, goes to someone else. someone else show faces as if he doesn't like doing that questions or people pushing that questions to him. I thought I can be a good person by offering him my one and I told my group leader that I will do this question but you will have to do it with me cos i seriously do not know how to start by just reading the question, i stay pretty near with my leader so i think it wouldn't be a problem to do it with him. but things faded up, no one remembers, and i couldn't find any info on it. i asked for help and only i got it yesterday from other group, i know how to start now but the info is not in the net. how am i supposed to do now, made it up myself? sighs. i dont know but i'm gonna do as much as i can cos i doesn't like to see people's faces. you see, i dont mind if you wanna mad at me cos i send things late but at least be understanding and see what i've gone through and why i send late. it's not that i didnt search or think at all. i did but i just cant manage to do it on time. i at least inform you that i'll be sending late, but all i get is no reply. my parents were arguing and bro is in singapore, i'm the only one they can put anger on. and im the only middle person in the house. there's a reason behind everything, next time when you wanna force ppl to die, pls ask. and pls be understanding. it's not easy to come out with one whole page of something that you have no idea of. plus i'm not the smart type. i admit that i can become very dumb at study, i have to ask for help. but it's not that i wanna born to be stupid. if i had a chance to choose, i will choose to be someone smart, and so i can show faces to you all whenever you all have trouble and cant send it on time to me.

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T23:35:00.000+08:00

I envy people posting so many lovely things that they did with their dads on this very special day. Some of them eat at fancy restaurant, some of them get daddy something really fancy, some of them cooked for daddy, some of them do house chores for daddy, some of them even baked cake for daddy. They play games with their dad. And so many more posts. But the most common thing I've seen today on fb is their lovely wishes. Some of them wish them face to face and repost it at the wall. Some of them got no courage to wish their own father, Happy father's day. Some of them doesn't even get chances to wish their father. Unfortunately, some of them writing fancy stuffs on the wall are plainly because they see people writing it. Hmm, as for me, when I was very young, like little kids, I often do cards for mother's day and father's day. And what I do was, I hide it at somewhere and I gave hints, like sticking arrows around the house, show them the way to the hidden card, and sometimes I give them notes, tell them it's around where. They keep my cards in drawer, I still see some of it today. I forgot when I actually stop making them cards, perhaps it's when I grew up and I think it's a childish way of celebrating. And so we often get cakes and have dinner outside. When I grew a little bit older, I always thought of giving mom flowers on mother's day and giving dad some useful thing like belts, ties, wallet on father's day, but I was still young and I got no money to buy stuffs for them. And when I grew even more older, I feel weird to suddenly get them something because it wasn't an usual thing to do. Till today, I still fail to celebrate father's day the way how I wished to. All I can do is to ask them out for dinner at some place that we don't often go, and secretly help him out on house chores, buy few pieces of cake. I'm sorry daddy, that I never gives you a truly celebration on your birthday or father's day, I hope you know deep down inside my heart, i have this huge imagination on celebrating it with you. But it was awkward for me to actually make it happen, and all I can do was to make you feel being celebrated on this special day after raising me up for so long and still raising. Happy Father's Day. When I'm able to make money, I'm gonna get you and mom something, I promise. I love you all.

2011-06-18T11:40:00.000+08:00

I just hope everything can turn back how it used to be. No point starting over, because no one can ever change back how he or she used to be. I hate that I loved you. I couldn't accept the fact that after all that I've been through in the past, I still made a wrong choice and suffer myself. After all the effort that has given out, I was silly enough to think that things will work out. I was stupid enough to think that I finally found someone, better than anyone could be in this world. But all this while, I heard this from all his friends, "yeah he's a good guy, hold on to him, whatever you do dont let him go" No doubt, that you're one good man, but to who? friends? What about me? What's the difference, cos you treat everyone equally the same. as good as you treated me, am I just another "friend"? The fragile thing in me that I was trying to put it back into pieces after being hurt for million times, it's now broken again and I have no guts to fix it back anymore. I just need a shoulder to cry on right now. All the facts standing in front of me, i have no courage to accept it. kept telling myself this is not the truth, this is not the end. but wake up, it ended the moment he admit everything you thought of.

2011-06-16T14:22:00.001+08:00

My day has not gone any better. I'm tired because I didn't sleep well last night, I was studying my finance for this morning's test. Hoping that for the first time, I can surprised myself by knowing how to do all the question in finance since I really spend so much time to study on a coursework. It pulls me deep down the sea when I doesn't even know how to start with the MCQ. Needless to say more. Postman worsen my day. I wanna get a sleep. and some vacation, alone. So many cases going around and why must it always leads to me

2011-06-15T13:30:00.001+08:00

It's noon and I have nothing to eat at home, even nothing to be cooked here, there's a lot of maggie mee actually but I banned myself from eating those chemical food. So bread is all I have. Anyway, this post gonna be a long one, if really interested to read on, do prepare some snacks.

Yesterday was a stressful day. Had a morning briefing regarding our advanced diploma, we have to start make choices which course are we choosing. That got me headache for an hour, doubting what I should take. Then more than 2 hours lecture was hectic. I rushed back to get my things done asap. And Lucky was making a lot of noise and disturbing my calm and peaceful afternoon. Wanted to teach her not to run all the way into the house anymore whenever I open the door, and I was studying for tomorrow's mid term test. Without noticing for only 1 second, Beverly screams and I was terrified. Then when I checked on her, her eyes was bleeding. I screamed and not knowing how to react at the moment, I thought she's gonna blind. I try my best to wipe it off and find out whether Lucky scratches her eyes inside or just outside. I couldn't do anything as she doesn't let me to. But she looks okay, I brought her to the vet and I was so grateful that she only got a minor wound on her eye lid and the bleeding stops after I wipe it off. It was very minor that she doesn't have to apply any ointment. For the rest of the day, she could barely open her eyes wide, because it's watery and she doesn't let me wipe it off, perhaps still a little pain I guess. But when it comes to her favourite food, her eyes can open as usual -.- sighs, this is a terrible accident mainly caused by me. If I were to close the door even if I wanted to glance away for a second, this wouldn't happen to my poor beverly. I can still recall the image in my eyes and her screams. I wanted to apologize to her if she can understands me. I cried to sleep last night because almost every part in me wanted to just rewind the incident or to rub off this incident from my brain. I wanted her eyes to be just fine. I feel like slapping myself for this. sighs.

So it was already late evening when I finally calm down what happened, then I realize I have not study a single thing yet for both of my test and I haven't even start my assignment which was supposed to be hand in at night to my group mate. I thought doing some minor online test would cheer me off. So I took the kpmg assessment test and who knows it leads me to a worsen situation. The numerical and verbal test was both the stupidest test I ever done. Perhaps I am that stupid, I doesn't know how to do the test. And now when I finally relax, I think it was a pressure test, to see how many answers you can answer in a pressure. The time was so short and there's so many questions, require your thinking. It's not like you can get the answer directly. And then I regretted the whole night again for tembak the rest of the question that I didn't get to answer, because it says " you doesn't have to respond if you doesn't know the answer" Yeah, so bye to kpmg best program. I failed the test.

Follow on, I do my assignment and I got zero information at all. I literally give up on everything that's in front of me now. I doesn't know at all what I should do. I am so lost, I couldn't find the things I wanted, I have so many things waiting for me to do.

You see the thing with me is, I cannot handle pressure. People cannot handle pressure that well, but me, I cannot handle at all. I like things to be in order and I like to get it done by the time I set. When something bad happen in between, I get panic and I'll run out of idea what to do next.

And today, I am still feeling stressful as always, I was late half an hour to class and teacher gave me a L on my attendance. I woke up at 6am in the morning, feeling moody. I rushed the hell out of me to get all things packed as I am supposed to go for 3 classes and then swimming at the evening. My bag was full with hard disk, laptop charger, books and more books. I hand carry my laptop and my bag of swimming things. It was by far the heaviest bag I've carried throughout this 7th semester. I brought my laptop and so many other stuffs, thought that I could get my things done during the 3 hours break. Don't even ask why I ended up at home blogging. It was a terrible day, terrible week, in fact terrible semester. Something came up and ruined the whole thing. It's the 7th semester I'm in college, and things have not been changed at all, at least not between you and me. Still not knowing what I want, still not knowing what I doesn't like. Still not planning where to go when I'm in class cracking my head about the questions and you're relaxing somewhere with your facebook. I doesn't want to say much here but the conclusion now is I'm available and I'm looking for someone who can listen to me and understand what I like and don't like, and decisive. Have an idea of what he wants and what he doesn't want. Have objectives and aims in life. If you match the requirement, do see me.

One day if I ended up seeing a psychologist, I am not surprised. I doesn't have anyone to talk to. I only want someone to listen to me and understand my current situations. Not me sitting here talking about how sad I am, how stress I am, and you are there sitting in front of me thinking of something else, doing your own stuffs, or you have phones keep coming in, and you need to rush off to do something else with your friends. I requires full attention when you want to give me attention. If it's not full, then don't give at all.

I've been relying on people a lot and I've stress enough seeing people showing faces to me and I can't do or say back anything because I am relying on them. But even so, I don't think I deserves to be talked this way by you all. I am still a human being. I make friends truly from my heart and when friend in need, I help whenever I can. and even if I don't I will still help if you really need MY help. But people around me seems to live on their own, and doesn't treat friend like how I treat them. I be good to my dogs, thinking that they would know, because dogs are not as stupid as you all think, what I got in return was, being scolded by my parents, got 2 shoes being bitten by my dog. I have no proper slippars to wear now. And whenever I do good for people, I always got scolded or got blamed. So many things kept inside, so many. But no one knows because no one even wants to listen. To me whatever thing I do, receive, or give, it must be all or nothing at all. Is either you do it now, or not do anything at all later. I'm pretty sure I've explained it quite clear before and still after more than a year, things are still the same. If I have car, I will go out now to any cafe that no one can find me, do my own stuffs, study, and eat my proper lunch. Yea, if and only if. This is why I still stuck here. blogging. pathetic ways to let out your anger.

2011-06-11T11:32:00.000+08:00

At this moment, I don't really know what's good for me and what I want. Yesterday I went for an interview at some place and this interviewer is someone really awesome to me. Throughout the whole interview I'm impressed. And I can see how myself actually grow throughout my college life. Then here comes my challenge. If I work, will I be able to handle the tiredness? Do I still have time to study? Will I have enough sleep in the morning? But if I don't work, I'm just gonna walk around the mall every day after my class, or go back home and face my computer from noon to night, or study (which I really won't) So what can I do during my free time? sighs. My final decision was to start work not right after my class, so I have time to do my tutorial or revision at college, then to ends earlier so that I can go back and sleep early for tomorrow's 8am class. I hope all this work out. I know this is my last semester of diploma and I can't afford to fail any of the subjects, and my aim is to improve my cgpa for this last semester of dip. I hope I can handle this. I shall quit if I couldn't.

The world is sick.

2011-06-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

It's just one day, and I've heard enough. This morning while on the way to college, in Joe's car, all sudden he said his brake is not working and he made this really scary turn to the side just to avoid hitting the car in front. Luckily I am safe and still blogging here. Today's finance lecture was just another lecture, how I wish I am at least 50% interested in anything to do with counting money or investing or economics. Well actually econs subject was okay for me, I studied econs before in secondary and it was okay. Then till college, macro and micro, was okay for me also lah. At least I manage to understand 50% of the lecture. When it comes to accounting, I suck when I'm in secondary. I struggle to pass my mid term test and I've changed to so many accounting tuition, in the end I manage to pass it during SPM. My maths was perfect, my add maths used to be perfect because I practice a lot. When comes to college, my BMS was better than just okay, I understand lecture and I know how to do tutorials. But when it comes to IA, I know I learnt it before but I couldn't understand lecture and I can't do tutorial on my own. So I failed and passed. Then was FA, sucks some more. Luckily I was scared because of IA so I struggle giler for my FA and I just passed. Then I thought that's the end of my accounts paper in this course, mana tau this very last semester of diploma, pops out BF, business finance. I don't give a single attention to hub when he was talking about finance, investment, banking, money... etc. And she expect me to take finance paper now! sighs. I don't understand a single thing she said. She make it harder by explaining the whole lecture thing through understanding, she wants to bring understanding to us, but it doesn't work on me at all. I like things to be straight forward. I see notes, u teach notes. sighs dont lari till so general lah. sighs. Everyone must be thinking, who the hell doesn't wanna learn about how to make good investment and be a rich guy in future, how can I not be interested in finance and investment. You see there's a reason why I'm in DBU not DBF or DFI. cos I'm not interested at all and I'm born with it. My mom's accounting genes never hits me. And my dad didn't give me his investment genes also. I'm more like culinary, hand craft, if you say business, i'm more to paper work, talking, doing stuffs outside the office. Never ever in my life imagine I'm an investor. sighs. Now I need to get Hub help on my business finance. Oh wait, this is not my topic today. Just got carried away -.-

After the lecture, had this "great" meeting with Datuk Chua and the minister of health, i don't know how to spell his name, roughly I know his name is agak agak same with YTL? -.- Politics is also another thing that's not in my gene or my brain. Today's talk was beyond my expectation -.- It was.....bored. sighs. they talks about economics, about increasing salaries, then about transportation, I do like the transportation part tho, but more to our college one la, the busses always cause me stuck in the traffic jam. anyway, that's also not my topic today.

I went to Pasar Seni to get some thing, and when I was in one of the shop looking for stuffs, I heard a real loud scratching, dragging sound, cracking too. I ran out and see the huge lorry was making a turning and the butt scratches a SERENA. The car was so bloody hurt, the whole window cracked, and the whole door can say, almost gone. I seriously don't understand why the lorry driver still drives when he already hurt the car a little. He dragged the car so hard, the car couldn't move at all. How it happened it doesn't matter anymore, all I want to say is the driver is a young guy, and he still laugh, talking to his friends when he was on his way back to his lorry to go to the police station. And he even said he was planning to go police station to report also before he hits the SERENA, because he hits someone else earlier. Omg how sick. The picture stays in my brain the whole day. I can still see how it drags the car and imagine what if someone was in the passenger seat, will be badly injured. sighs. drivers pls be careful lah. lane small like this u think u can fit in meh. sighs.

Then I heard this story about stealing. Break into houses and steal stuffs. and it was "orang sendiri". relatives? sighs. world is sick. people are sick.

Take care people, take care world.

2011-05-31T11:24:00.000+08:00

So many things left undone in my things-to-do list. How can I ever get everything done and just lay back, do nothing but relax. I don't think it's possible tho, by the time I achieve that, I'll prolly complaining that my life is bored. Since now life is so full of "fun", should I just enjoy it? Not sure whether to call it fun or not, cos despite fun things in life, I also have piles of not fun things to do. Many many things. Sighs. Better get it done real quick before other stuffs hit me!

2011-05-28T13:59:00.000+08:00

What to do when u feel like things doesn't seems to go right anymore and u just wanna let it all out and run away. No good endings if I let all those things out and run away. I shall keep it to myself then. It wouldn't be solved the way I wanted it to be. I'm not happy.

2011-05-27T22:39:00.000+08:00

You know, you seriously cannot deny the phrase "don't judge a book by it's cover". I've seen something different today, different from what I thought that person should be. I'm trying my mood on blogging now, if it goes on then I'll go on, if it's not, I'll prolly just blog about it when it hits me next time cos I personally think it's worth to blog about.

Oh well, ...

Was typing halfway and I couldn't stop myself but to hit the backspace button on my keyboard. Can't seem to talk it out publicly. Perhaps next time.

Fail doh!! -.- sighs.

2011-05-23T19:06:00.000+08:00

sighs I'm not in my best mood lately. so many things get in the way and i just can't seems to handle it. relationship, friendship, financial, studies. so many things kept inside my heart and i just doesn't know how to let it out. i can cry out all sudden, anywhere, but i'm definitely sure it's not without a reason. who can i possibly let it out to? the person that i thought i can share almost everything, no longer be that person. im getting afraid to share things with him because i know how he would response. i cant even ask anything from him. i cant handle the way he responds me anymore. sighs. i wanna find someone to talk, but i dont know who. looking for my best friend but i dont know how to start with her. what can i do? too many things kept inside, i just wanna let it out and be free. too many commitments i think i cannot handle. the more i'm committed to it, the more i'm afraid i'll lose it. i keep on lying to myself that what i see and what i feel isn't the truth that he is not that kind of person. but it happened so many times that i couldn't lie on myself anymore. it's not as genuine as it used to be anymore. i feel so many secrets in between. i feel so many things that he's hiding it from me. i dont feel secure at all and i feel like wanna give up. each time it happens, i'll tell myself to not care about it. just let him be if that is what he ever wanted to do to me. if that is what he chose. no point bringing out this to talk as i know what's the answer. people will tell me " no u should talk it out no matter what it is." but now he's happy when i didn't mention whatever I see and whatever he thinks i might be angry. i act that i dont know, even he knows i know, at least he's happy pretended that i did not know what he did, and then we both forget about it. but it actually stays in me. i am depressed i wanted to just get away and mix with new friends and stop being with him, seeing how he lied to my face. i wanna be free for some time, just to get my scar healed. if scar can ever be healed. i dont know how to love anymore.

btw i just passed my kpmg form to my ps today. and i told her that i didnt reach 3.2 so i asked can i apply. she said she dont know and asked me to try. well i tried. hopefully they will shortlisted me and at least interview me. pls dont reject me because of my cgpa. sighs. seriously im feeling extremely down about things happening around me and about people who actually support me, and who really are my true friends. i want to be happy. all i want is simple happiness. i am not complicated. i like true love, true words, true actions. i have a big phobia on people lying to me or hiding stuffs from me. so pls dont do such things to me. God, open up my eyes and let me see the truth. I pray to u.

2011-05-22T11:58:00.000+08:00

Had a great night with seniors yesterday. It was one of my swc senior's 21st birthday and it was awesome to the max. A kind of birthday party that I would really love to have. So I met with seniors that I've not seen them for ages cos everyone was too busy for their own stuffs. Anyway, no matter how busy we are, I do hope to stay in contact with u guys as u guys are the one that brings me up for how I am today. Lead me throughout my whole junior year in college and show me things that I never expect I would see in life and learn things that I never expect I would learn in college. Gave me the confident to be who I am now today. Show me hopes in everything. Make me a better person. All of you have helped. I am glad for being who I am today, I'm more confident, I voices out my opinion, I dare to fight for my rights. I dare to say no if I think it's ridiculous. I love all of you and we shall hang out often. You guys are now all 21 years old! Break free! :D

All I want is simple happiness

2011-05-21T00:40:00.000+08:00

Before I started writing I have a whole lot idea of what to write cos I'm in no good mood and I've been through quite a lot of interesting but also frustrating things these few days, then I'm not starring blankly at my laptop screen typing things that I did not even plan to write. sighs. I'm in many dilemmas now. First there is this KPMG boot camp. I came to understand that it's a very rare camp cos I think their first priority is accounting students as KPMG is an accounting firm. So what's not good about this camp makes me in dilemma? sighs. Long story. First they have requirements. One of it is the cgpa must be 3.2 and above. Shamefully mine is only 3.1. I have strong co-cu, my spm results for Maths and English are both A, I wanted to proceed to advanced diploma, and some other minor requirements. I meet all other requirements except the cgpa, and it's only 0.07 difference. sighs. Then my friend told me can try to apply also cos my program supervisor will shortlist it so I guess I MAYBE can be shortlisted la, but then also have go through interview. Actually I don't really think interview is the hardest part of this program. I think I can pass the interview also but then when comes to the camp.... sighs. it's on the September and it's my birthday month. The date is still yet to be confirmed. I do not want, in a million years, spend my birthday on such a training camp. Away from family, away from friends, away from cakes, away from party, away from him, away from the outside world. Okay, childish right? Put this aside, I'm also afraid that I can't handle the stress inside! It's not an easy camp ya know! I'm not good at training camp at all. I am not good in team building, I am not good in leading a team, I am not good in strategic planning. Okay you might think since it's a camp for you to train then everyone there should be same like me la, dumb dumb one. But YOU GUESS! People who will be in there I 80% confirm are not "easy people". They will be those that are active in college life. Joining activities, attended events at college, hanging out with the coolest people in college and gets A in almost every subject, have cgpa 3.9 -.- I seriously doesn't know why they are human. So you see my dilemma! I wanted to give it a try and apply, see whats inside and buck up my soft skills, tactical skills, strategic skills and whatever skills. But then the dates are confusing, what will they be teaching us inside the camp is confusing, what stress I'm gonna face is also a confusion. Urghhhh, after all the positive and negative judgement, so is it a Yes or No? -.- I still don't know and the deadline of applying is 24th of May weh! sighs, stress-nya.

Btw another thing I'm stressing about is my carrom competition tomorrow. (Readers might be all opening their mouth big big now) No lah, it's not what you guys thinking about. It's friendly match among alumni, students and staffs. Carrom is not one of our sports in college thats why they doesn't have college team to represent the students loh. And I got pull in by the officer because he helped me a lot. And do I even know how to play carrom? Yes I do play carrom at home because my dad is a sport lover. He plays basketball, volleyball, badminton, football, many other sports and last but not least carrom. Ouh he also loves dart and snooker or pool. I doesn't have many of the genes so I can't differentiate pool and snooker. He likes either one of it -.- Okay back to the topic, yeah so he used to have this original carrom board and I was pretty small when he told me the reason he wanted to throw it away so I could barely recall. I think it spoilt or something. So he or someone gave me a plastic carrom board, can say is for kids one lah. I still keep it till now and it is still pretty new, cos I rarely play, hurts my finger a lot. I never play on real carrom board before till today. The boards are ready for tomorrow's match and I get to play a round or two today and it was awesome cos I got luck out of nowhere and I won. I hope I can win tomorrow, like seriously I wanted to win. It's not about the prize of the winner, in fact there's no prize for winner cos it's a friendly match. but it's because I wanna go home and tell daddy I won a carrom match and it was all because of him. I know how to arrange carrom seeds because of him, I know how to play because of him, I know the rules because of him. So I want to show that I have inherit at least some genes of him. So I pray hard that my luck out of nowhere will come to me tomorrow. Let me win the match my dear God I pray to you, for my father :)

I think I'm done with the stress part gua. There is still lah but I cant think of it now. Anyway, the most interesting thing happened today was a very very tiny snake, on my hubby's car. Was on the way back home from college and I stop by around my house area for pasar malam. After park car, we saw a very tiny snake on top of the car. Seriously tiny but long. I did took picture, check out my fb. Trying to use stuffs to put it away and it got angry and keeps on sticking the tongue out. Then the body turns green weh. From brown to green. Don't know whether it's poisonous or not, if I know it's not I prolly already took it home and pet it. Anyway it was dangerous, very. It's so tiny that I think it can crawl ( snake dont crawl, I forgot whats the word -.- ) inside the celah celah of the kereta and go inside the car. AHHHH CANNOT IMAGINE! Haha but the snake added another interesting story to my life. I saw before a wild owl, scorpion and now a snake. Owl was very interesting also. In a forest, the owl was on the tree looking at us with the big eyes. Then it flew away cos scared gua. haha. I'm a creature freak, as in I freak out of creatures, not crazy of them. Im scared of crawling and flying creatures. And those that I wouldn't see or know how they will attack me. You know tiger is gonna eat u, and dog is gonna bite u. But you wont know what butterfly do when they are on top of your head or inside your shirt, cos they are too tiny you cannot see them. I'm like an elephant afraid of rats. I scared creature that are smaller than me cos I'm afraid that they might go into my shirt or my ears or my mouth. Leeches been into my jeans before and I only realize it when I bath.

Better stop before I run any further away from the topic. Simple happiness. How I define happiness? Call me naive but I'm happy if someone can make me laugh 24/7. I like to talk to people who like to make jokes. I like to sit down at a cafe and just talk with friends and that's happiness for me. I like to do things smoothly, according to plan, and that's happiness. I like to be happy. Few days ago I went to MPH and saw quite a number of book with a title relates to how to be happy. That reminds me few years or months ago, also mph, I found a really tiny book, looks like it is lost cos it's in the rack with other huge book and totally not related books. I opened it up and it's a really simple book with only few words teaching you how to be happy everyday, approximately 1 word per page. I would really love to get back that book and I'll surely buy it home. At least only flip a few pages of that book and I smiled. It shows you that it really works! So many books I'm interested now but not so much money lah hahaha kesian.

Anyway, good night! :D Thank you for reading such a long post.

Pulau Ketam

2011-05-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

Pulau Ketam trip was fun but awful also. Why is it awful is the way they live. It was a rush decision. me and hubby was 15 16 ytd thinking wanna join my classmates or not. Mana tau all sudden after class decided to join and so we rushed home and rushed to pack our stuffs and rushed to get in the same train with classmates and rush to get the ferry on time. So when we're there it was really different and I sometimes do pity them who live there for their whole life though they are happy and satisfied. people who live there, lives on the sea. yes their houses are all on top of the sea, the road are all build on top of the sea. and this is why they also make the sea apart of their house. they throw whatever rubbish out of the window, on the sea. like seriously, the water is fill with rubbish. u cannot even see water. its mostly rubbish. i saw dead rat, cooked prawns, and candy wrapper, also many boxes, even some spoilt door, and racks. its all floating on the water. the worst part is i heard one of my friends said their toilet link directly to the water below their houses. so on the sea also loh. and they jump into this dirty water and play water like its their swimming pool. seriously awful to me and i couldnt live there at all. but one thing i like about them is they travel by bicycle and only bicycle. they have a motorize bicycle also. how weird. most of them do fishing and sells seafood. their houses are not big and you can see whats inside in each house every time u pass by, they have many weird and huge creature on the dirty water. what else? they eat mostly seafood. the restaurant are seafood based. and the water is really dirty -.-

guess what i saw, i saw a small kid taking a wok and throw into the water, i was shocked and i stunt there for a moment, he went in there and get another bigger wok and throw it also to the sea. my goshhhh. sighs. seriously i pity them. btw only chinese there. and got a lot of dogs and puppies too.

it was a great experience lah, i can never imagine that in 2011, there are still people living in such way. awesome. peaceful but dirty. naive but dirty. healthy but unhealthy also -.- and omg wth is wrong with ktm and its ticket machine. ahhhhhhhhh, i wanna migrate to singapore. worst ticket machine I ever seen loh. explore singapore for 1 day and thats enough for u to see how kesian we are. with the dirtiness around, ppl who doesnt care about their hygience. smokes everywhere, like seriously everywhere, i was on a speed boat on the way back to jetty and 4 human brought their cigarette in! and people who takes up their leg, bare foot when they sitting in public. also they dont let u out from lrt before they go in. they dont clean up their tray themselves when eating fast food (for ur info, its a must for u to clean ur tray urself if u're eating mcd at other country) and everything spoilt. and dumbest system. my ticket was supposed to be 2.90. usually they reject ur money bcos its too crumply or old, i put in new money the machine rejected. i went to change to rm1. and i thought of putting rm3 for 2.90 i dont mind if you dont give me the change also but WHY ON EARTH RM0.90 U MUST RESTRICT THEM TO GIVE COINS! ahhhh i went to change again with other ppl and also korek my whole harta to pay 0.90 coins for 2 ppl. sucks weh sucks. AND THE COUNTER DIDNT EVEN OPEN. AHHHH I WANNA CRY DY. pls improve. i cannot accept the fact lah!!!

ya lah, consider today is my complain day lah i dont know why but i just cant take this to my life.

Frustrating day + Pulau Ketam 1 day trip!

2011-05-16T22:46:00.000+08:00

Okay which first? Start from the very early in the morning.

I went to college and I promised it was in my mind last Friday when I said I wanted to go to office to collect my course's students' bills. Then I forgot. Someone passed to someone in my course during lecture, then ended up on the hand of one of the class rep, she took hers and gave it to me said she took hers. Im okay with it cos or else every class rep gather together to search for theirs also troublesome right? Then I took off my class one. Some girls from the back said they wanted to get for their class also. They only mentioned one class. Group 6 or something like that. I told them that its in alphabetical order and make sure they are taking for their whole class cos they are not the class rep. So they said yes and they promised they wont mess it up. Few minutes later, I turned back and it was separated into few other stacks to some other girl from other group. Dengggg. I pissed off and asked lor. They said they are taking for the whole group and no point i asked to rearrange it properly lah, see what they do to the beautiful stacks of bill I also fed up already. Then I need to pass the sesat punya stacks of bill to another class rep. All sudden class ended and I made an announcement. Mana tau the people all so bodoh and so kiasu, they block the road so everyone gather there, the students from next lecture wanted to come in also stuck. Walao dbu can use your brain ar? After making an announcement asking them to bring the bills down so that they wont block people way, only some of them understand simple english, I seriously don't get it lor. If you guys rebut the bills like that, I'm pretty sure one of it will be gone. Why not wait for me to give it to you guys and then you can find it properly without missing any of the bills and also rebut with people. I gave it to the class rep on the first class, so I'm pretty sure you guys will meet up later in tutorial class or tomorrow's lecture. Eh hello, the due date for paying the bills is not tomorrow lah, its few weeks later, why cannot wait your class rep to take meh? I dont understand why they being so kiasu must take their own bills first lor. You get ur bills earlier got discount? Sighs, so fed up with u guys' attitude.

PS messaged and said our Business Finance lecturer complained that our course was too noisy and PS asked me to ask them shut up. MY GOODNESS, WHY ON EARTH IS MY JOB TO ASK MY COURSE TO SHUT UP? -.- Lecturer cannot control then ask me to control ar? dont be lecturer la weh -.- seriously i've been with all my coursemates since I enter college and i know they dont behave like this everytime and in some other subjects, they were even noisier. this one is consider okay. and they can also be very quiet and pay attention if the lecturer teach well. but YOU!

YOUR LECTURE NOTES IS SO SMALL, who on earth in tarc still print notes 6 slides per pages (except tamadun) and you always make me lost cos you're always talking something indirectly related to the slides. its not bad you wanted to let us know more about outside world stuffs but isn't it too far away that we all got lost and you gave us so many info but no place to write down. cos the lecture notes was too "crowded" -.- tell me how lah? u teach me lah pls -.-

So what I did as usual is complain back to the upper side lor and I found out that the lecturer complain straight to the big boss tim. So what my PS can do? she also kena shoot putih putih. U see lahhhhhh. sighs. How not to gek? tell me how........

2011-05-15T22:42:00.000+08:00

Was at a cafe today and I saw someone's bag got snatched away. You know lah when in cafe and u're sitting next to the road, the waiter usually will remind you to not put your belongings on the table as the motor might just pass by and snatch it away. So I was talking and I heard someone ran away very fast and someone screamed. then the people from the next table quickly stands up and chased the person away. too bad theres a motor not far away waiting to get the thief then they speed away. it happens so fast that no one can even do anything. too bad it's not phone, or it's not money. it's the whole handbag that he gotten away. and too bad no one noticed the motor was there waiting the thief so no one get to see his plat number. sighs. malaysia is getting worst lah. with the acid splasher, animal abuser, fake eggs, thieves everywhere. where is safe to live? even you stay at home alone, people can still rob in and kill you. like what i heard the other day from my mom, an old lady was robbed in the house and they even hit the poor old lady, and guess what, they rapped her. Yes, they rapped the old lady. she was 80 plus. sighs. Pls let us all live in peace.

2011-05-14T16:38:00.000+08:00

I dont consider today as a good day as Im having terrible mood swing. But something amazing just happened on this bad day. many many months ago, less than a year, daddy bought me a really expensive mouse. as in computer punya mouse. then few months after using it, cos im traveling back and forth hostel, so i have always bring my laptop and my mouse here and there and once, i dropped it on the floor real hard that the left click gotten abit cacat, for a moment, it cannot be press at all. and i was freaking out. luckily after pressing few times, finally it works again but it doesnt seems like the old feeling when i clicking it, i have to use my 100% energy to click on it only it works. totally different from the right click. sighs. den what to do, i had to live with it lah and slowly get used to it. few days ago, i dropped it again. and the same things happened again. that was actually when i really realized that the right click is different with the left click. so today wasnt a good day cos i was thinking that i might be going out somewhere, with frens or family or him, dont care, i just wanna hang out, but then the timing wasnt right. so i end up sitting at home, looking through fb home page, pathetically reading at what people post. watched a reality show on youtube for more than an hour. then when i get tired of the pc, i went over to the sofa and watched the same old tv show thats been repeating for like infinity times. i can actually repeat what they said on the show cos i watched it like 4 to 5 times. then pathetically playing angry birds over and over again in the same level cos ive been stuck in the level for like more than a week. then still it's only 4, but some part inside of me is saying oh my its already 4pm and i had done nothing today. sighs. so i grumpily went up to my room and look at my pity mouse. was trying to find out why it became so hard to press after dropping. so i was turning it round and round seeing whether something stuck underneath causes it hard to press and i kept on pressing it and all sudden it works back like normal. i was shocked, and was jumping happily cos it finally works again. so at least now i have a little bit of mood back lah. sighs. pathetic weekends huh? supposingly weekend is the day u spend with family lah, but u see not all family same as what u watched on tv. my family for example, they have their own life and most of the time they prefer alone, and do their things. like mom, she go to gym 24/7, and when she come back she want to wash her precious gym clothes and pack her gym bag, fb with her gym member, thats all. and daddy on the weekend always go to new hse, and also like to do shopping alone cos he likes to walk fast and doesnt wanna waste time around. he knows what he have to buy and he go there straight away buy everything he need den move to another thing on his to do list. so me? im pathetically sit at home fb and tv. sometimes hang out, but even if i go out with him also pathetically walks around, and before that have to pathetically squeeze my brain juice where to go or what to do. sighs. give me something exciting to do! but tmr is a better day i believe, can hang out with friends, at least do something.

oh btw, when things get bad, dont upset, cos like me, things just turn better, just in the middle im typing this. it was dad bday last wed but we didnt manage to celebrate it cos daddy was busy with client and so we decided to buy a cake on today and just now the cake was awesome. and then later we're going to our all time fav place for dinner. after all, is not really a bad day lah, im just bored :)

ouh and ytd i had a great swim, lotsa lotsa people in the pool, didnt get to swim the whole lap cos some guys kept standing at the end line of the pool and takkan wanna swim to them -.- but then i enjoyed being in the pool. should set a day for exercise now!

Thank You God!

2011-05-12T23:22:00.000+08:00

Ah! I couldn't accept it when I see my results, I actually pass company law. I was thinking the whole sem break about how am I gonna resit my company law cos I think I'm gonna fail. but thank you god, I pass it, just pass though but still i am satisfied to the max. And I am grateful that I score my best on the other two papers! Ah so grateful and thankful. i actually ran in my living room jumping like a mad monkey. see how happy i am and how grateful i am? So now i can fully focus in my lecture hall. ok lah, for business finance and OMS, i failed to listen to the lecturer this week. their voices are like plain flat. without any tone. and their jokes are very lame. their quotes in every lecture are almost the same with any other lecturer that have taught me before. and theres no notes or the notes were too small to even read. sighs. i gotta study hard on this two paper. on the other hand, corporate admin paper was okay on the first lecture. the part time lecturer is fun and bubbly i can look at her all day long and just listen to her interesting stories on general knowledge. so lets hope i can score for corporate admin paper. not ashame to reveal that my cgpa now is 3.1 and im not satisfied. a F for my company law last semester pulled me down from 3.3 to 2.9. yes, how terrible. im gonna try my best to score the best this last semester. i wanna graduate diploma with no regrets, like what ive had during my spm, even pmr. imma make u guys proud, baby! :D cakap besar aje. hahaha no lah, i really do have the intention to do so lah. but its still 14 weeks away, no one knows how my study will be throughout this 14 weeks. so god i pray to you, pls give me motivation every day to do revision starting tomorrow! ouh btw tmr is MIS paper's first lecture. i heard its a hard paper, BUT i also heard that my course is doing full coursework on this paper this sem. so yeah, im not sure how full coursework's lecture gonna be, but im sure no one will attend :D anyway, theres one random thing i wanna say. im out of tops to match with my jeans. been really obsessed with shorts for the past 1 year, i actually forgot how to dress with jeans. and i have to wear jeans for few weeks. how to survive?! u see, after being course rep for so many sem, im kinda get used to it lah. i like the course rep life actually tho its pretty lifeless and sometimes busy. so every new semester starts, the lecturer will find the course rep, to settle notes prob. unless the lecturer put all the notes in CEL lah. like last 2 sem, not much lecturer looked for me tho. but this sem, almost all, except one old lecturer. luckily i wore jeans to lecture everyday. u see, i have this phobia people looking at me. not really a phobia lah, used to be. but now not anymore. i dont like people dress unpresentable when they have to present themselves in public. thats why i have to dress in proper tops and jeans and flats cos imma have to walk all the way from the back of the lect to the front side, and made few announces in a day. been to the office few times a week. so i cant wear shorts, of cos shorts makes u hotter lah when u walk down the stairs right? but come on, im 157cm, and i have a huge thigh and a bloated tummy. its not hot okay -.- anyway, this might be my last semester being course rep so im appreciating every moment, someone called me to ask me stuffs about course. god gave me this great opportunity that i dont think every one have the chance to be it. lets hope i still can be course rep in advanced :D im enjoying it haha. who doesnt want to be the center of attraction? but despite that, thats not what i really wan, being a course rep. i like it when i just enter second year, i can lead my dbu junior. i can talk to them. i can share my knowledge with them. and i like when lecturer thinks im helpful and ask me for help every time. also i like talking to sbs officers, chatting with our program supervisor. and im not a good socialist, i dont social with people easily. and if i never ever be a course rep before, i dont think my life in my course would be as interesting as im having now. i get to know class reps, i get to know coursemates from other classes. i like it really. i like people asking me stuffs, and im happy when im able to answer them and help them. it makes me feel like i filled with info and im helpful enough :)

ok lah this is getting private cos its involved my personal feelings LOL. sleep lah people!

In doubt

2011-05-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

I'm actually looking for part time job, since this semester's timetable allows me to. I only have 1 lecture everyday except for wed and fri. and guess what, i finish class at 9 30 on monday and 10 on thursday. so relaxing. so im looking for some part time job that have really flexible time and it's not bored. before this, i found one, they gave u really flexible time, you can work anytime u like, any day of the week. as long as u meet the quota or something like that. and the pay is not cheap also. then when i re confirm again about that job, friend said they changed the manager and it's not that flexible anymore. its compulsory to work on weekends. i dont want. so its a no no unless my friend found where the old manager changed to. then another job i found was through a friend, its still not confirm whether they want people or not, even if they wan, i doubt my interest in that job. its a pretty boring job for me, really not my type and i'll be bored to death if i work there. and i'll feel like im wasting my whole day there. so i 100% confirm that im not working there. so how now? i need a job lah. a job with a really flexible time. cos i need to also focus on my study as this is my very last semester of diploma, i doesnt wanna fail any paper. the papers are not easy. finance, i dont usually pass any paper to do with numbers, unless its mathematic. regarding money, i usually struggle a lot. then i found my new bad paper, which is law, i just resit one of it last semester and the result is about to come out tomorrow. this semester comes another law with a lot a lot alot of sections. sighs. so im pretty sure im not gonna pursue icsa. just taking advance in business admin. then after that only see whether to continue master after degree. its gonna be tough one. haiz. somehow i think masters in business admin is still not enough, cos ive seen quite a lot of lecturers in our college also graduated as MBA. then end up being lecturer at colleges. its not that bad la being lecturer, if u really like it. but i dont like. honestly after joining so much events in college, i more likely wanna study event management. but its too late already lah, takkan wanna waste my time start over again kan? i dont even wanna waste 1 year waiting to resit my paper. sighs. hopefully with all the certs ive got for organizing and joining those events, help me get into some good event company den i willing to start from the bottom. what mba got to do with event mgmt? oh god. sighs. i cant sit still in an office. thats what i keep telling myself. i like to observe things. i like to see what situation happening out there. i like to see people. i like to observe what people wear. i like to talk to interesting strangers. i like to do things that in the end, the results makes everyone happy. u see, the first job was actually a sales girl. the second one was in a cafe shop, serving mainly flavoured drinks. thats my point. i cant only lock myself in the shop where people come in only want to drink. and its all from my college cos the cafe is very near my college. i like to see how people dress up. i like to work with hot music, i like to learn how to dress up. i like to see clothes. not only that, i can see outside people walking, different type of people. poor, rich, single, married, couples, argue, happy, sweet, working people, stressful. i like to see people! plus the retail shop is at kl area, more happening over there. sighs. but its not easy to find these type of store with flexible time. ok lah, enough with the i like. time to sleep and see what god wants me to do. i love u god. good night.

2011-05-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

Ahhh so many things to blog. and I'm still trying to adjust my time.

Okay first, I like my new template :)
Second, I hate smokers... a lot. Till I curse them. But I'm good girl, people dont like me to curse. So I take back whatever I cursed, and I pray so that God will help u all to stop smoking!
Third, tomorrow is daddy's birthday! :D Happy Birthday Daddy!
Fourth, the weather is hot, I dont like it when I'm wearing long jeans to college cos it makes me sweat a lot. I like wearing shorts and singlet for hot weather. But it's college -.- sigh, so I am not enjoying this hot weather.
Fifth, I wanted to swim again!
Sixth, there are so many movies that I wanted to watch right now
Seventh, I have this sudden crave for garlic bread and anything to do with hot melted cheese.
Eight, I wanna do some real adventurous outdoor activities
Nine, I wanna have an awesome outdoor trip with a whole bunch of jokers! :)

Last one, Im about to learn how to fish :) hahahahahahaha

I still wanted to learn how to cycle. hmm.

ok lah this is a very random post la. im out of idea what to blog already. theres so many things happened i wanted to blog but u see, all those ideas to blog about that thing gone when I finally have the time or mood to blog. sighs.

btw, toyota is very bad for what they did to my daddy. sigh. perhaps its daddy's luck lah. a new car but spoil one. keep giving the jerk and sound whenever he drove. fix for the second time and daddy demanded a new car, since we only have it for only 2 weeks den already like that. toyota, pls make my daddy happy :( he have not been very cheerful lately cos he cant drive for few days, and he have to walk so far after work to mom's place so mom can fetch him. and he have to wait for mom's time also. mommy's working time is totally different from daddy lah. haiz. but im a good girl today, i ask hub to fetch him back today. hope tomorrow will be a better day for him, at least some good news from the management saying that he can get a new car? :D :D :D

first week of last semester started and I just found out that my very last semester of my diploma year, have final exam. *claps* now i am more stress than ever. i cant afford to fail ANYTHING this semester, if not there goes my tarcollege life. im not gonna waste a year. i will study hard. i will do revision early. god will bless me. sigh. and why do college do this to me? last semester give me law paper some more. my previous law paper also dont know can pass or not. haiz. sad giler.

so many thing are still waiting for me to do. my personal stuffs lah basically. to clean up my room, do a planner for my this precious last semester, when should i start revision, what should i do in a day so that i dont waste time. also plan some great trip with family, short one, near one. and also plan some great adventure with mates. and also plan some romantic gifts and places to go for hub. and what else? read more story books, do more exercise, sleep earlier, eat healthier, inhale less smokes. drink less, wine is okay. party no. be a good girl, love my parent more. look through more designs so have more ideas to do cards and gifts, my new hobby since few months ago. also finish my minutes so that i dont owe swc anything anymore -.- sad case lah me, ended so long dy my minutes still hanging. walao who ask them meeting suka hati -.- haiz. also laminate all my cert. practice my piano more often. and do more theory practice. so i can manage well my piano then i can start with violin maybe? and practice back my guitar chords, so i dont waste my dad's money for buying me a new guitar. also try to look for work that have flexible time so i can earn more money, can shop more, and can help my hub in daily expenses, he've been paying too much for me and i feel bad :( also catch up more with my old school mates, and still trying my best to improve my social skills by observing people. what else? i forgot lah. so many things i wanna do, when only feel motivated leh? shall sleep now! nights! thanks for reading my informal post hehe :)

btw im gonna post about this wongfu production's videos on youtube, and phil wang is hot. till i google it! stay tune!

2011-04-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

Things been good so far, a little update before I fly (drive) to Singapore early morning tomorrow.

A busy month, it's holiday, come on! I still manage to take some time out of this busy schedule to go for a trip with my family. It's not like my first time going to Singapore, since bro started studying there when I was only Form 1, Singapore is like my second home. We went there quite often when bro first started off his O-level ( they called it A-level here) there. Then he managed to settle down and parent too manage to let go. But we still visit there some time, but maybe not that often anymore.

So what's new this time is, I'm going to Singapore with hub! This is his first time going to Sg, and it's my first time going out for a trip with him out of Msia. Yippie! Woo, I'm pretty excited about this. I hope everything things out just fine!

When I'm back, gonna busy doing college events, and then there goes my holidays. Semester will starts next 2 weeks. And that shows that results are coming out pretty soon too. Oh boy, pls let me pass all. I doesn't wanna bring any resit paper to my last semester of diploma. I can hardly bare the tension-ness while checking the results on a last semester of diploma. what if there is a fail (touch wood) there goes my life in tarc, I might change college as I doesnt wanna waste 1 freaking year. Ah, but for now I shouldn't be thinking nonsense first. Hmm

By the way, I'm not staying at hostel anymore! Back to my home sweet home, and also there goes my freedom. Haha. I believe I've enjoyed enough at hostel, and it's time to be a goodie girl, stay home, cleans up, and pet my naughty dogs always so that they wont so naughty anymore, and let my huge turtle walks around cos they are so freaking big in size now and it's such a pity if I always lock them inside the aquarium.

Okay, I'm gonna proceed to my packing for tomorrow! Come back and check what I've update for Singapore trip! Can't wait to have their macaroons and takoyaki, oh oh and frozen yogurt! :D

Thank You!

2011-04-16T10:00:00.000+08:00

I have to seriously thank God that my prayer was heard. Everything went well and smooth this few days and I have so many things to blog about, I almost forgot.

First, it's about my wonderful driving experience during the weekend. It's been great driving all the way to Sunway, with hubby next to me. And what interest me the most was going through toll using smart tag! Haha. Unfortunately all smart tag spoilt, and I only realize it after I went into the queue. The car infront gotta take the card out and use it manually and that time I was thinking "Oh crap, How could my short hand possibly reach the touch and go thing and If I ever reached it, I prolly already bang my front bumper to the divider" Then when it comes to the car infront of me, the smart tag all sudden works and I have to reverse because it couldn't detect the car in front me. Luckily the car behind me was smart enough to stop so many km away. And then it was my first experience taking car ticket. Surprisingly I did not bang the divider and successfully got my ticket. And I was lucky enough because there was an easy parking for me to park.

Then, when driving there was a success, I came back and bragged about it to my mom. The following week, I fetch her together with my hubby to Subang area. She was paranoid and making me nervous, everything went wrong. wth -.- I almost knocked on a car when I was about to cut in to the other lane. And I kena honked!

Now, I am able to drive with manual car and auto car. But still needed someone to sit beside me lah :D Oh wells, things will get better! Practice makes perfect! :D

Pray to You...

2011-03-22T00:01:00.000+08:00

Things have not been going so well for me and him these days. Everything we did, something went wrong. Or else, the opportunity was so close but we missed it. Or something about us, gone missing, or accidentally gone forever. God, have I not been good these few days and this is why you're punishing me? Please forgive all my sins. Please forgive me for being rude sometimes to people around me, especially my family. Please forgive me not having much patience while talking to people or doing stuffs. Please forgive me of my bad tempered. Please forgive me about the bad stuffs I did, that I have reasons behind every actions. Please forgive me, that I've not pray to You every night as I promise because life was so hectic these days. Please forgive whatever wrongs that I've done and show me the right way. I'm feeling very helpless and confused now. I pray to You, God. Please make everything and everyone around me feel better, so I'll feel better too. Please bless us. Please bless me.

Thank You, Miss :)

2011-03-19T15:17:00.000+08:00

Last semester, I "accidentally" signed up for a company secretarial course...
and it turned out to be...

It was a seminar on being a company secretary. At first I thought talk like this would be pretty boring and I wouldn't want to go. But since this is regarding about my future and I have no idea about what a company secretary is doing, I chose to write my name on it, more over it's on next semester, if time is not right, I can cancel my name. Since few of my friends also signed up, I just signed up. And this semester comes only I realize the seminar was only 2 to 3 weeks away. And then I totally forgot about it and signed up for another thing which was a leadership camp that I was longing to go last academic year. Cos camp like this don't come often. Even if they have it once a year, you don't get chances to go every year, cos it's only meant for leaders in a society. And even if you're the top 5 in the society, you might not be going also cos the priority is still on the top 2. The chances only comes to you IF your top 2 doesn't want to go. So happen, this year I got my chance to join and the next thing I knew, it clashes with this talk. And about a week or 2 before the seminar, my program supervisor hand me the name list of the participants and remind me several times that these participants whom name has written on it, cannot be modified anymore. They can't skip any of the modules, they must attend all modules or MAICSA will have the rights to charge you on the certificate that they are issuing you by the end of the seminar. Only 3 to 4 days before the seminar I realize it clashes and I called my program supervisor immediately to inform her and even lied to her that I might not be able to skip the leadership camp cos it was organized by the Student Affairs Department. I wanted to go to the camp so much. And she said she'll call SAD and see whether they will let me find a replacement for the camp. Then she called and said MAICSA is something bigger than our own SAD. SAD is easier deal than MAICSA, so SAD agreed to let me find a replacement for the camp and so I have to attend the seminar.

And the day finally comes, I reluctantly get up and attended the first module. First day was so great that the time passes so fast. Great as in the first session in the morning, they were issuing certificate to the first group and they even invited our principal and MAICSA's president. One by one take picture while taking their cert. And I thought this is so cool, 2 weeks more is my turn hahaha. And throughout the whole seminar, there were like 2 break time. And the speaker was really funny. That's how first day and second day gone.

Today I attended my last module. I was hoping to get my cert and take picture with either principle or MAICSA's president. Mana tau, they only pass the cert to the speaker and she just distribute JUST LIKE THAT. But never mind lah, my point of writing this is, tho things did not turn out what I thought it would be, I do gain something in this talk.

We got a really good speaker and she shares so many stories with us, even teaches us some life lesson. Things she said was really true and I like listen to what she said. I admire the way she speaks and the way she see things in life. And I like her attitude. She reads a lot, she is not selfish at all, at anytime. I might only meet these kind of person once in my lifetime, so I appreciate whatever things that they teach me when I meet them. I like meeting new people, especially grown ups, cos with their experience in life, things they said can't be wrong. They wake you up to be a better person, they wake you up so that you can live a better life. Thank you for everything :) Thank you God for letting us meet. Thank you God for bringing wonderful people to my life and let me see things clearer and understand things better.

2011-03-18T18:10:00.000+08:00

Things weren't really good these few days. but he put down his pride and talk it out with me. I hope things will not repeat. I hope I can grow and care less about what happened. Thank you God for solving my problems. Thank you so much. I'm feeling much better now. And thanks friends that had helped a lot these few days and giving me advices, cheering me up. I'm feeling all good now. And thanks for putting down your pride and thanks for all the effort.

2011-03-15T22:43:00.001+08:00

Headache, stomach ache, gastric, eye pain, no energy.

Have not gotten enough sleep or proper meal these few days. Guess what I've eaten today? around 11 eaten bread with egg as breakfast and till just now 6 plus eaten some pretty disgusting food. and i feel like throw up whenever i think back. house out of food supplies now. sighs. i dont understand why i let all these bother me so much. sighs. i will stop fighting for my rights, im satisfied today cos I've heard people told me that my attitude has improve a lot compare to when I'm year 1. at least i know someone is there for me, at least i know someone sees how i changed and improve and dont take it for granted by asking more from me. thats all i can give. thanks swc, thanks for the good words. thanks for cheering me up, thanks for being with me. thanks for letting me grow up.

有时后真的很怀念以前。。。可以靠你，依赖你。可是我一定要靠自己了，要清醒。要长大。我答应自己，我有一天一定会变成一个很独立的女人。我不会再靠你，也不会再依赖你。谢谢你这样对我，让我成长。谢谢你不再宠坏我。I'm gonna be someone that put my career, my family, money and studies as my priority. no more love, no more sympathy. no more manja manja like a fucking kid. im gonna grow up. 当时候的你请不要怪我无情，馋人。你会后悔把真真的我改变成这样。你一定会。。。

2011-03-14T23:45:00.000+08:00

And I thought I'll be able to get over stuffs and so I proceeded. But mana tau, sighs. The whole time I was there trying to hide my feelings. I flipped through the leaflet so I don't pay my full attention to the show, cos if i did, I'll cry like shit and people will start wondering why. Everything happens around me seems to remind me of my current situation and I just can't stop crying. I used to hide my feelings and succeeded, but this time, I almost fail. What happened. Remember, you must stay strong. Do not ever ever cry in public or even in front of him anymore. Stop looking like you're getting sympathy! It still aches in the heart. Wtf. And I almost cried in lecture today cos of Joe! -.- But what he said was true. I know what is happening and I know what to do to make everything better, the point is I'm helpless myself, I couldn't do what I wanted to do. All I hope for is to grow up, be mature, so I could care less on what useless boys doing. My point is still, what you told me that moment. Yes, what you did was indeed very common MISTAKE among boys. But still it's a mistake. And you said it like I was wrong for being angry to common MISTAKE that boys did. And it's all because your fucking promise that you're DIFFERENT FROM COMMON BOYS, I expect you will not do what other boys did. And it's because you fucking throw your temper on me saying that "Could you at least put some trust on me?!" I put my 100% trust on you, and you disappoints me, by saying such hurtful words. I trusted you! I seriously do! And see what happens.

2011-03-14T16:09:00.001+08:00

为什么每一件事情发生过后，到头来还是我的错，为什么别人永远都是可怜的那个，都是看起来被我欺负的那个？难道我真的是将无理取闹吗？难道我就是永远都是坏人吗？难道我就没有权力说出我的想法吗？为什么你要怎么的伟大？为什么我就是每次做坏人的那个？为什么全世界的人都要帮你说好话？为什么全世界的人都讲你很可怜？那我呢？谁知道我的想法是怎样？谁会去听？

这种话你都说的出口，信错你了。放了100% 的信任又怎样？你要的，我给。到回来，还是失望一场。我还不能接受将的话会从你的口中说出来，竟然会在你的口中说出来。。。

2011-03-14T00:06:00.001+08:00

心理还是觉得很痛。口说放手可是心还是放不下。到底可以怎样做才能好过一点？我不想听到他说任何东西，也不想看到他的信息，跟不想看见他，不想听到他的声音。可是为什么我会想他？当他没找我的时候，我就会想为什么他可以做到那么的绝情，当他找我的时候，我看到他写的东西我又很生气，想起当天发生过的事情，根本就是接受不到。也许我把他放得太高了，所以才不能相信他会做出将的事情，而事情过后还用这样的语气来跟我讲话。没有去体谅我当时的心情和想法。当天你对我说的那句话我还很记得，我根本忘记不到也相信不到你竟然会说出将的话。没错，你没错，你能看，眼睛是你的，你喜欢看什么就看吧，以后再也不会有人管你了。对不起，吧你的自由拿了还对你发怎么大的脾气。我也没有力再骂下去，讲下去。我人生中最讨厌的男人，第一是玩女人的男人，第二，是骗女人的男人，第三，是把东西已满着女朋友的男人，第四，做了不忍的男人，忍了还要讲自己没有错的男人。第五，一个拿到上手了就会变去另外一个人的男人。其实还有很多，也许我看得太多，变去我对感情有特别高的要求，对感情特别没有安全感，比别人特别需要安全感，特别需要被爱。可能过了几天我就会好过一点。是时候放手了。想一想，其实我们只是在投几个月开心过而已，过后都每次吵架，每天都不爽对放。将有何必呢？人家看到我们都很甜蜜，很羡慕，我不知道是我厉害演戏，还是你厉害收着。算吧，真的算吧。你根本就不知道你伤害我有多深，你也不知道我为什么我会将生气，将心痛。算了吧。你永远都不会了解我，应为你根本没有给自己一个机会好好坐下来了解我的想法。人不能一直走，要停下来，看看别人。永远都了解不到我。我想外面的好朋友，了解我还比你多。爱情不是将简单的。

2011-03-13T19:39:00.000+08:00

心真的很痛，不知道为什么。我还能做什么。不适合就是不适合。勉强也没有用。放手可能你会开心一点。其实是我自己傻，以为世界上还有不一样的人其实全不人都是一样。当久了就会变脸。难道我永远都不会找到一个能接受我的想法的人吗？我只是希望能找到一个人，心理觉得只有我最好的，连别的女孩子也不会看一眼，能坐下来听我说的东西，了解我为什么会生气。突然间对爱完全失去了希望。原来当一段感情久了过后,对方就会觉得习惯了。变去什么东西都很像很不重要了。应为每天都见面，每天都会这边上那边痛，还是那里弄到，自然而然就会减少关心。我几时才能接受这个事实？难道世界上就这有这种男身吗？说多也没用，也是一样罢了。我现在能做的，就是好好照顾自己，不要再伤害自己，慢慢的习惯单身的生活，慢慢学会自己独立。不要再靠别人。谢谢你给我一切的回忆，很美好。可是怎样美好的梦，也是要醒来。发够了，该醒了吧。

Emotional

2011-03-13T13:06:00.000+08:00

Being so emotional that every little thing that doesn't related to me directly or indirectly, I cried. It feels like so many things coming around me and I just couldn't do anything to make things better. I wanted to make things clear and I wanted things to be smooth. I asked " Couples who have different opinion on almost everything, can't be together? " All we need to do is open up our ears and listen. And this depends on the one that is more mature and willing to hear. I admitted I'm not a good listener on things I totally disagree on. I couldn't just stand there and listen to you lie on my face (perhaps is not a lie, but I've set my own mindset that moment and everything that you said might be a lie to me ) I just couldn't listen anything you said trying to defense yourself. Avoiding is not the best way to solve stuffs, I've confronted. You doesn't want to say anything and you doesn't want to reply, it's fine. Let things be. Eventually I'll fed up with all these shits and by the time you wanted to say stuffs, I don't give a damn. It's not the things you did that pissed me off, I'm upset with the things you did but what pissed me off was how you react on the things you did towards my confrontation. Anyone can take this shitty emotions away? I just want to be happy. Cheer up baby girl. Everything will be just fine, God is always here for you. Cheer up Yunni. It's not the first time after all, you've been through even worst, this is just another thing, another challenge, another guy. Stay strong.

2011-03-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

To be honest, I couldn't get over it. It's not mainly about what you did, it's about how you react afterwards. And how you actually talk to me. It hurts me so much I couldn't stand it. As if defending yourself at that moment helps the situation. Seriously, it did not and it worsen the situation. I doesn't know how to talk to you now to make you care about this more. It just seems like everything I did, doesn't even matter to you and perhaps you're thinking I'm only acting like childish kid. Well, if that's the case, why hang on? I don't get it. Why not just...? So many questions pop out in my mind now and so many devils in mind urging me to do something which I think I shouldn't be doing, but I just can't control. Where is the love? Where is the passion? I do admit I sometimes do silly things to just catch your attention, but in the end, I don't get the attention I'm asking for. You just made me feel like " Oh well, go ahead, I don't give a damn" How well do you even understand me? And how well do I actually understand you? Will you pay more notice on me? Just a little more, and you'll see. You're missing out something. Something just happened, but you didn't notice. And I think I was silly enough to do such a thing. Sighs, God, please show me the way, guide me. Lead me. I'm lost.

I couldn't forget my conversation today with many of my friends. Many things waken me up. And I think I'm starting to understand why things turn out this way, it's just the matter of accepting it. Many times, I do understand but I just doesn't want to and I couldn't accept the ugly truth. Boys always remain as boys, there's no such thing as " I'm the special boy that you're looking for" By the end of the day, you'll see, they are all repeating the same mistake. Why care? I might as well just ignore whatever that boys are doing, I probably feel happier. Even if you think you found the one, wait till you see the ugly truth. The society affects people. He might be good cos he have not seen so much before, once he seen and heard enough, you bet he'll turn out to be one of the boys out there and that is when he is nothing special. I lost hope on men. Do not ever ever think the man that your holding right now, will not betray you. Seriously, they will, somehow some way sometimes. How many times a guy ask you to trust them and when you put 100% trust on them, it turn out to be just a lie? For me, each and every time. How many times do I have to get hurt? I'm gonna promise myself to not care about whatever things that happen anymore, please do whatever you wanted to do, I won't care. Physical pain heals emotional pain. I'm not a kid, I've seen too much in a relationship to be a kid. I've even experienced too much to be a kid. If anyone can understand my past, they will know why I'm so cautious. But no one knows what I've been through in the past and they think I'm acting ridiculously cos I'm childish. I went in a maze many many years ago and I stuck in there for 4 fucking years I couldn't get out. I just kept turning round and back to the beginning. I'm now in the another maze, and wanting to get out so badly, again I'm turning around. I wanted to walk on straight road, not turning round and round in a freaking maze.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-15T00:39:00.000+08:00

I know I've not blog for quite some time. I always have this urge to blog about my everyday life. So much ups and downs happen and all I can do is to write it out here to make myself feel better. I don't wanna get depression of keeping all these to myself. But then, all those had already over and it became past. Today I'm gonna talk about how wonderful I celebrated my Valentines day.

People who knows him and me together, will probably think that I will celebrate my valentines day at some fancy romantic restaurant, candle light dinner and got wonderful gifts like huge bouquet of roses and whatnot cos everyone thinks that he's such a romantic guy. Well, we did not :) In fact, we had dinner at some chinese mixed rice stalls outside my house and it cost only RM8 plus for both of us :) We had free chinese tea and some very salty, full of ajinomoto soups. And I did not get heart-shaped chocolates or bouquet of roses :) Sounds pathetic right? I know. Crash a girl's princess dream. Wahahaha. But I do not feel much pathetic in the end of this special day for couples. In fact, I feel grateful for what I have and for how I celebrated my day with him and my family today.

This year's valentines is a relaxing one, of all the valentines I've been through. I used to prepare like shit for my bf on valentines. Thinking hard a month before the day, what to give to him and what would put a smile on his face. And stay awake whole night to wrap it and make a beautiful cards. Also was a stressing one cos I used to think what I'll get on valentines and how people will celebrate it with me. I remembered few years back, I broke up with my ex few weeks before valentines and I was stressing about me seeing other couples gonna spend valentines at school, having those mystery chocolates delivered to their tables, with no names on it, and I'm gonna spend it alone by showing black faces to my ex. Then, it turned out pretty unexpectedly, he pulled me out to one corner, handed me a lovely gift and kneel down. I was so touched back then, but when now I think back, it was just a way that kids used, to get back with the girls. Then I remembered, I was celebrating valentines by working at pavilion, 2 years ago. I was single back then but I got a very good friend, that made my valentines a good one. He bought a rose and he kneel down right in the middle of the shopping complex and handed me the rose. I was pretty embarrassed, I didn't know what to do. Well, then he said his friend was challenging him. But still, thanks for accepting your friend's challenge. You see, my point is, I had few wonderful valentines, and its all like so fairy tale-like. But I don't think it comes from bottom of their heart. It's either they purposely want to get back with me, show their friends or whatnot. Well, I apologized if you guys really do sincerely wants to give me a great valentines back then. I could not tell whether they are being serious or not, so I assumed it's not.

Last year valentines was something I look forward to. It was my first valentines spent with him. We started off quite romantically and he made my birthday a blast! So, I expect something from him on valentines. It was a great one and no disappointment at all. It was the best valentines. And so I'm supposed to look forward also to this year's valentines. But, it might be we've grown up, it might be we've just argued few days before valentines, I did not felt the atmosphere I'm supposed to feel even the day before valentines. And so, we ended up did not prepare wonderful romantic gifts for each other, and he did not plan to bring me anywhere extraordinary and I did not prepare any touching handmade cards. I then told him that we can spend this valentines like every normal days because Joe told me, " You don't choose only this day to love your partner more, every couple should be lovely everyday and not only valentines day " Some say, giving gifts on this special day, brings special meanings. Okay it do, I agree. It makes me feel I'm not pathetic on this day, everyone celebrating happily and romantically, I'm also one of them. But then, you still can give romantic gifts on other days and tell your partner that you love them and make them touched. My concept, why not make myself that the remaining 364 days are our valentines day. People celebrated it once a year, I get to celebrate it everyday except valentines day. Queues are longer on valentines day, roses are more expensive, chocolates too, and it's crowded everywhere. So why bother?

But then, you see, girls always remains as girls. Deep down inside their heart, they always wanted something that represents that they've celebrated this wonderful day. And something that shows you that your bf truly cares about you. I've celebrated few valentines day and what I did not get on valentines day was the most basic thing that a girl can get, flowers, teddys and chocolates. It's not that I asked for it now, but I've always wanted a bouquet of fake flowers. Why fake? It's because it will never die and I get to keep it forever. Why not chocolate? Cos chocolates expired too. Why not teddy? Cos I will ask for more and newer one. I used to think it's too normal to get such gifts and it's like no effort at all, like only buying some normal gifts just to make u happy on this day. But then, when u see people get their teddy, chocolates and flowers, u pun jealous la :) tho these are very unrealistic stuffs, I do wanna own this some day.

This year, it's not that bad tho. I have one surprise that was pretty close to my dream valentines. I was about to enter the car, I saw lollipops, heart shaped lollipops hiding every corner of the car. thanks for having such effort to surprise me tho I tell u not to celebrate this day since we did not prepare anything. Anyway, since I did not gave him some memories of this year valentines, I think I'm gonna do some belated valentines with him. I'm not gonna promise u that this will happen but I'll try my best to make this happen, so dont put any hopes on me first ah! :)

Conclusion, if u did not have a good valentines this year with your bf, suck it up and be grateful that u still have your love one here with you. Choose one day, make it a special date, and celebrate it with ur love ones. It's never too late. Such special day, it's too wasted to make it only once a year. It should be everyday of the year. Happy Valentines Day people!

Btw, what's my dream valentines?

If you asked me to choose between diamond and a very detailed, much effort required, handmade card, I would choose the card. I like lovey dovey, romantic things. Diamonds or moneys don't get me much actually :) things that required efforts and i really do love surprises :) That pretty sums up everything I want on valentines. hahahahahahaha I'm just crapping on valentines day. Happy valentines everyone!

2011-01-09T01:00:00.000+08:00

I'm in a terrible mood swing now. Not a good way to start my 2011 post. Many things to be spilled here but I don't know where to start. Having a mix feelings now and I can't concentrate on my studies. And I'm somewhat wearing a ion health bracelet watch that mommy brought home today. It's free from hotlink and it says there's this titanium inside which helps to increase blood circulation, etc and most important of all HELPS YOU TO CONCENTRATE AND STAY FOCUS. I don't see it helps me anything at all but well, it's a waterproof watch and I find it pretty convenient, but I don't think free stuff lasts long.

idontknowhowtostartthisiamfeelingincrediblyconfuseaboutourrelationshipnowandthisisnotagoodfeelingisomewhatthinkweshouldtakeatimeoffbutdotimeoffreallyhelpswedonttalkmuchnowadaysandyouaresomewhatdoesnotenjoytalkingouroldloveydoveystuffsandithurtsmesomuchcositfeelslikeiamtheonlythatstillhavingthisstrongfeelingswehavebeenarguedsomuchandidontthinkweeverreacharesultofwhatwearearguingtellmewhatshouldidoandwhatisbestforusiseriouslydoesnotknowwhatelseishouldsaytoyoutosaveourrelationshipidonotwantthistoendandineverimagineusendingsosoonbutseriouslyiamstarteddoubtingaboutourfutureandidontseeanyfutureidontevenknowwhatimwrttingnowprobablyimyselfwontunderstandthiswhenitrytoreadthisagaintellmewhatshouldisaytoyoutellmewhatistherightthingtodotellmehowtosolvethisthemainquestionisiamhavingsomuchofthiscomplicatedfeelingandtryingtotellyoubutitseemsliketoyouthatiamjustthrowingmyprincesstemperandyoudonttakethisseriouslycosyouthinkwehavenoproblematallwhichyouaresowrongcosyoudontseewhatiseeandyouarenotmakinganefforttosolvethis.

Please don't try to figure out what I'm trying to write up there. There's a reason I do so. I just wanted to spill it out and I don't know where else I can spill such privacy thing of mine. Yes, I do take this as my private stuffs.

Confession of a daughter

2010-12-21T00:25:00.000+08:00

I have not been updating my blog recently cos still I have not "settle down" yet. Settle down as in clean up my notes, catch up whatever I'm supposed to catch up and play whatever I wanted to play before it's final. I'm still on the way to finish up all these. Never-ending huh? But there's one thing that's gonna end soon, my year at SWC. And this thing has something to do with the title today.

Last week, not long after I left house, on the way back to hostel, daddy sent me a message.

Dad : I forgot to ask u whether Kenneth is free on Sunday morning and Tuesday Evening or not to send to me KLIA

Me : Oh, where're you going?

Dad : To Singapore, business.

Me : Yes, he'll be free.

Till Sunday morning, I followed them along. We had our breakfast at KLIA and damn it's expensive. We walked around and he urges me to go back home as it'll be jam and so forth. I watch him giving his pass, heading down, I only can see him from above. I watched him walk to the security check. And I walk to the other side to watch him from the huge glass window. I saw him walking to the G side and I know his gate is C. I called him and said u're walking the wrong side, dad. It's supposed to be the opposite way. He asked how would I know and I said I'm watching you right up here, where we just walked there :) He turned around, looking pretty embarrassed to me and wave to me. I see him walking to C gate till he disappear from my eye sight. He called and said do you see me in the bus crossing over to the other side? My plane will be at the other side. I ran/walk pretty fast to that side to catch his bus. I saw his bus going to the opposite side of the airport. He's not going there for long. He'll be back tomorrow but sending him to airport and stay there and wait till he go to the other side, it makes him happy. And for the first time, I feel what I did, touched him. It makes me feel more likely to be there when he arrives. And I thought I'll be free that day, as my class ended right on time for me to follow Hubby's car to the airport. Unfortunately, I forgotten that the most important interview is on the same day, same time with my dad's arrival. I couldn't tell my fellow SWC that I have to go to airport to see my dad back to KL. It would sound pretty stupid as I'm not driving, I'm just following. But still I think he wanted to see me there and I couldn't express how disappointed I am to disappoint him. Today he text me, am I not going back home tonight? Only tomorrow when fetching him? I had no other choice but to tell him that I couldn't be there cos of this interview thing but Kenneth will still be there to send you back. Seriously, I regretted so much for being so forgetful over things and now it's too late for me to voice out to anyone about anything. I'm sorry daddy I couldn't be there but I promised to rush back home right away I finish the interview. I will try my best to leave after I've done my part, choosing the best to be in my position and lead the next generation. I couldn't stand looking other people choosing people that I doesn't desire to be in my position. I want my things to be perfect. I'll come back tomorrow, I'll try. I hope you're not upset or disappointed cos I'd be devastated if so. I pray that you'll have a safe ride home! God bless u dad, you'll be happy and there's many more chances for me to touch you like how I did that day :) I love you dad.

2010-11-25T01:30:00.000+08:00

I'm about to enter some danger zone again. Few years back, I failed almost all of my add maths, history and accounts paper because I have no interest in it at all. Then when college, I was paying my full attention during the lectures and I always sit in front. Then my results was okay, I was pretty surprised with getting As, cos to be honest, I didn't get much A during my secondary time. I thought I can do pretty well in my college as I mix with the right friends but then I was so into SWC and I start neglected my studies. Till now, I'm one of the top management, I can't afford to be absent from meetings. Regardless it's a huge or small meeting, regardless with the other top management, seniors or it's a general meeting. I personally think I have my responsibility to at least show up in the meeting. And I don't like being left out. But never will I thought that I'd failed my coursework so badly. And I even failed 2. I'm really worried about my second coursework, whether I can get more than pass to pass my overall coursework. I know what I have to do now and I know I'm out of track, I'm not on the way to what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm trying to get back to the way, I'm trying real hard to cope up with my studies but I'm not sure whether I can do it or not. I seriously know and personally take studies is a very important part to my future life. As I don't like to be look down and I don't like to feel useless. Therefore, I wanted to be good in studies. I like to learn but also non academically. That is why I can't afford to leave SWC till the very last day. What should I do now? Get back on track, I know. But how should I do it? By start studying now. Can I do this? I don't know. I seriously do not know. I wonder what if I have to repeat. I seriously couldn't imagine this. I just can't. I can't afford to do this. sighs.

Braces issues.

2010-11-20T12:39:00.001+08:00

"People nowadays have nice teeth, many of them are putting braces nowadays, when's your turn? You know, having a nice teeth is very important to oneself."

This is what my mom have been telling for the past few years. When I was back in Form 4, I have some guy friends started making joke of my bunny teeth. Ever since then, I think I should put braces. But I doesn't really have the courage to do so. Cos I was afraid of people laughing at my braces and looking me like an alien. This is the problem with Virgos, they are so paranoid on how people think about them. Then when I was Form 5, I was thinking maybe right after my SPM, I'll do it. Cos I won't be seeing much of my old friends anymore and they don't get a chance to laugh at me. Plus, I'm going to college, it's a brand new life. But then I was afraid of the dentist plucking my teeth and there's 2 big hole there. Also I'm worrying about the pain I'm gonna get when they pull tight your braces every month. I was thinking hard. By then, my cousins were all on braces already. I was pretty ashamed. My aunty was quite a famous person in fashion and business industry. So she have to meet all this rich people from big company and always got interviewed and take pictures by those business magazines and newspaper. And that makes her very cautious on how good looking are you in front of people. She's been pushing me so hard to get my braces on, plus all the cousins have already put their braces on.

Then I'm at college. When I first entered college, I would never expect to be in SWC, such a huge society and have to socialize with so many people. So I guess, the same problem again. I'm afraid to do big changes then everyone will look at me weirdly. As I have to talk to officers everyday. Also all sudden, I'm the course rep for my course. I have to talk to lecturers and also 300 students. Then I was asked to brief my juniors for the course thing. In front of 500 students. And all the SWC members.

Till now, I'm still not with braces! Omg. sighs. 4 years, I see many of friends taking off their braces and some putting on. Especially when I'm in college. Putting on braces seems like a trend to them -.- Well, my next target is to put on braces once I pass down my SWC position to the juniors and once I'm in advanced. I hope you guys will see me in braces soon :) I'm envy to those who had already take off their braces, seriously :) I wanted to be one of them, to smile confidently. God, please grant me the courage to do this! :)

Time to update.

2010-11-20T12:09:00.000+08:00

Weekend is more like my update time. It's the only time I get to online and sit in front of the screen for hours. But not anymore next week, next week will be the night. I hope it will be a successful night and no errors will be shown to the audiences.

Last week was SBS blessing trip. As usual, been to the church and temple. This time, speeches at the church touched me and I was really paying my full attention listening to it. Thanks for the prayer and all. Having food on the car top was also an experience I'll never forget. Then to the temple, grouped together, almost 40 of us standing at the middle of the temple and prayed out loud to the God. Though people are looking weirdly at us but still I enjoyed this everytime I do this. It makes me feels strong as we were all in one praying to the God and I'm pretty sure he heard us.

Bukit Cahaya, chosen this year. I reached there and only I remembered I've been there before when I was following a one day trip back in primary school. And I remembered everyone was queueing up with their bicycles, getting ready to go. I was the weirdo who do not know how to ride bicycle. Even till now. My friends were curious. And I doesn't want to be like such an alien back then, and I was small and immature, I lied and said cos I fell down when I was small so I was afraid to ride bicycle ever since then. But the truth is, when I was a little kid, I remembered always riding bicycle outside my house but those with the two small wheel at the back to support. When I grew older, but still a kid, daddy teach me how to ride without the wheels. I kept falling down and I was too short to use my leg from preventing myself from falling down. Then I gave up. Cos I thought it wasn't fun after all. Till I grows up, only I realize not knowing how to ride a bicycle makes me an alien and I've wanted to learn so badly now but still, people's bicycle all are too tall for me, even my house's one. sighs.

But still I enjoyed sitting in the bus with the rest that doesn't know how to ride and some of them doesn't want to ride. Played with animals and met all sorts of animals from different county. Imagine a Japanese Parrot, well I assumed the parrot is a japanese as it only reacts to us when we speaks Japanese. It even bye to us. I wondered it was being trained at Japan. Cool bird tho.

Finally dinner with the whole bunch of people, 3 tables. It was a really tiring day. So many photos uploaded and that time was spamming time. Over hundreds of mails were comments.

2010-11-07T00:01:00.000+08:00

Getting lesser stuffs to post. Or am I lazy?

Went to Uniqlo 2 days ago. Queueing for Uniqlo it's like a trend for these few days. The days before its grand opening, I saw people's fb status are all about Uniqlo. Then I googled (I know I'm outdated). It becomes more tempting when I see pictures of people queueing. It was really long. The next day I went and queue cos I'm curious. Queued for 45 minutes, and been inside there for few hours, I grab whatever clothes and sizes and colours that looks okay to me and hubby. Queued for another half hour for fitting room, then I decided to leave the fleece jacket and get 2 jeans since I need jeans very much. Hubby bought my favourite colour of the fleece and one top. If I were guy, I would be so darn regret to not buy the fleece jacket and few colours of the tops. Seriously, it's in good quality and the blue fleece was SO HOT. The top was presentable and yet casual. Comes in various colours. For girls, the top doesn't really my type of clothes. And some of it are quite expensive.

I went to try Snowflake for the first time. I know I'm outdated. But at first, snowflake's pictures illustrations doesn't give any good impression to me LOL. It was black and black and all gelly thingy and tasteless springy thing. But till my mom told me it was really nice and I said oh damn, even my mom tried it. I seriously gotta try this. I tried and god damnit I'm addicted now. I wanted to get snowflake everyday now. How can you resist? I been there again today.

Last week, was photo shooting of SBS Night. This year pictures was prettier compared to last year. And this year more choices cos they took quite a number of shots. And I likey my own picture :) Can't wait for it.

I miss home.

2010-10-11T23:40:00.000+08:00

Usually I'm back to hostel every Sunday night, because I doesn't want to hold few bags of my clothes every Monday morning, get into my friend's car and rushing to put my stuffs in hostel. But this semester is an exception. I perhaps staying home every Sunday night because Monday's class is at 12. So mommy cooked and asked me to pack to college. I ate and packed some to college today with the thermos. It was in the car all day because I doesn't have the chance to eat it and I thought I can save it for dinner. After all, I don't think that thing will spoil. It might be cos of the sun burning hot in the car, or it might be cos I curi makan and left so germs inside, by night when I can't wait to take it out and have it for my dinner, it was spoilt. I was so upset. I wanted to eat it and lying myself that it's not spoilt but I just couldn't when I taste a little sour in it. I gotta throw it away. Honestly, after staying outside, I do miss home a lot, especially food. I don't think there's a time where after I eat I feel so satisfying, unless it's fast food. Other than that, all outside food gives me nightmare. And I'm craving for my mom's food. I wished that she could cook every day and I would seriously travel back home, yeah all the way back, just to get her food. I miss home so much and perhaps it's about time to master up my driving skill and move back to home. When I eat at home, I ate till I'm 101% full and I don't bother if that fatten me. When I'm out now, my tummy never reaches 70% full. Sighs. Epic.

2010-10-11T01:09:00.000+08:00

continue...

Then I do everything to protect my hamsters from being rip by any cats anymore. My oldest dog, bobo. When we came back from Singapore, we saw a wooden thingy fell on her and she was too weak and old too move. We saved her out but she just can't seem to move anymore. It was midnight, no vets were opened. I told daddy to bring her to vet for inject to let her "sleep in peace" as I know deep down inside she's suffering now. It's not that I'm the one who can decide whether to end her life or not. But I think she wants us to. At that moment, my heart was so pain to urge daddy to bring her to the vet. I went to the room and cried the whole night. Daddy couldn't find any vet open and so he brings her back and she have to lay there for the night till next morning. Daddy brought her to the vet first thing in the morning. And when I wake up, daddy said, she's gone. I brought her to the vet and doctor said she can't hang on any longer. Doctor put her to sleep but daddy said her mouth is like mumbling before the doctor put her to sleep. My heart aches, a lot. Till now, when I think of her deeply, I'll cry. She been with me since I was a baby. I still miss u a lot.

One day, when we're heading to hubby's house, he said he saw a puppy passed by. I was so surprised and asked him where. He parked his car at his house and we walked around to look for the pity puppy. I walked streets by streets and thought of giving up. Then I passed by an empty house, I looked inside. I saw her sleeping in there. I wake her up and persuaded her to come out. I bring her home and fed her with milk. I then realized one of her leg was injured. She couldn't walk properly. I thought of adopting her as bobo wasn't here already. It's like a sign from her, sending us another dog to protect us. I insisted daddy to adopt her. We keep her but she's too active. She bite stuffs and she jumps on people a lot. Daddy doesn't like her much and beats her a lot. Still, she doesn't listen. She's pretty big now and I thought of letting her go and let her leave on our street. But I don't think she'll survive long out there as she doesn't know how to stay away from people and dogs. I bet others will beat her or throw things at her when they see her running around like a mad dog. What can I do to give her the best? I have dilemma always seeing her living here.

One of my tortoise's face got swollen because of the water is too dirty as I'm not home always to change it. At first I was reluctant to buy her some anti infection thingy, a small thingy which cost so much. I thought she would be fine if I changed the water more often. Till one day I cleaned her and I accidentally scared her and I see she couldn't hide her face inside her shell cos of her swollen head. I pity her a lot and I promised to buy her the thing when I'm capable too. I'll save to buy her that thing.

I thought I felt so relief after bunny was found but then, hubby told me his hermit crab died. I couldn't say a thing. I don't know what's happening and I couldn't accept it. I know I can't buy another one to replace it but I seriously don't know what else I can do to cheer him up. I was stunned. Really. What can I do? I have such a mix feelings now. I don't know what to say to him. I hope he's doing alright now.

I pray to God for everything to be alright. When I say I pray to God, I bet everyone thinks that I'm a christian. Well, to be honest, I'm not. I'm a buddhist. But does that really matters? I think religions is just to differentiate the way you praise to God. For me, I'm from Government school since I was primary, so i doesn't know about chinese. Being a buddhist, it's hard for us to pray cos me, my dad and my bro doesn't read chinese. Only my mom does. So eventually we don't pray tho we are buddhist. That's why I find my own way to talk to God. I only have one God and I count on God in whatever I do. I pray and he'll listen. I pray so hard for my bunny to come home and she's home now. I want to thank God for everything that I pray, you made it come true. Thank you God for everything I have now. I'll still pray to you every night before I sleeps. But for now I pray to you to cheer my hubby up.

2010-10-11T00:41:00.000+08:00

Bunny has always been one of my favourite pets. They are so cute and I promised myself to get one when I grow up. Daddy discourage I have it now as previously I have hamsters and it's quite messy and smelly. Also mainly because I have 2 huge tortoises now and I'm not staying home now so no one changes the water and it get so smelly often. He thinks I doesn't have time to take care pets. So I promised to get one when I grow up. One day hubby's boss called and said there's a show where they need to perform with bunny. They ask him to get a bunny for them. We went to the pet shop but couldn't find a suitable one as they need really small bunny. They then called and said they got a pair and it's cheaper. So they used one of it for the show and it was given to the host of the party. The other one was left at their home. Hubby surprised me by adopting the baby bunny. He took an empty shoe box in the morning and said he was heading to his boss house to get his cheque. I asked why with the shoe box then? He said " I gotta take balloons for my friends " I suddenly think of a message I saw earlier about a guy asking for balloons from him. So I let him off. He came back to fetch me. When I went into the car, I asked for my bunny pillow, that's what I usually do when I go into his car. My classmates were in the car as well. When I asked for the pillow, he hand me the shoe box. And I said " I asked for my bunny pillow, why do you hand me this shoe box? " I thought cos it was too pack in the car so he asked me to hold on it first. All sudden a real bunny came out of the box. She stuck her head out of the box and I screamed. I decided to keep her but she'll be living in hubby's room cos I don't want her to be alone in my house. Obviously my parent wouldn't have the time to feed her. I do visit her quite often. Hubby bought her a really expensive new home set. And I wanted to buy her leash and collars with bells because she's so tiny, I'm afraid that I couldn't find her if she came out of the cage. But it was too expensive, I delayed.

Last month, I went on a trip and I miss her so much. When I'm back, hubby told me that he brought her to work cos his boss need him to add on a magic show using bunny. I was frigging shocked. He said everyone like her so much and they all touched her. I was really worried. She must be so scared and I don't know how hard people will hold her. I told him that I doesn't want her to be on any shows anymore. But I know he couldn't do anything cos he adopted this rabbit from them. And it's his boss. But I see her coming back every week looking just as fine, I think I worried too much.

Yesterday, he brought her again to the show but this time, not with her huge cage but only a paper box. I think it's cos the cage trouble him too much to carry around. But she's big enough to push the box cover up and hop out. It was too early in the morning, I did not think of that happen and I wasn't as worry as I was before. He was clever enough to cover the box cover with some heavy stuffs so that she couldn't push it. As I was waiting impatiently at home for hubby to come back and meet me, I forgotten about the bunny is with him. All sudden he called, and I thought he would say something like he's on the way to my house already. But he told me he was so sad, cos my bunny is gone. He said she was lost. I stunned for a moment thinking that he was playing a joke on me. Then something pops in my mind, I recalled back the moment he called one night telling me that he was sad, cos my psp was stolen. And I too recalled that I thought the same thing I thought just now. Two incidents, I thought the same. I thought he was playing a joke on me. I wished he was. Then I know he was serious. All I can say that moment was nevermind, it's ok. He said " How? " Well, how? What can I do? I'm home now and she's lost at puchong. I would have run out to the streets looking for her like a mad woman looking for her baby. But the worst is, I couldn't do a single thing when I found out she was lost.

He said she was at home all day in the box cos the magic show was cancelled. When they got home, the box cover was opened and she's gone. I bet she hopped out. No one realizes. And the door was opened. I hung up, thinking that I would be fine. But my tears came out the moment I hung up. So many thoughts ran through my mind. I was thinking that how cute she was when she always beg for my pat. I was thinking how she fall asleep on my lap and the way she sleeps comfortably. I was reminded how cute she was when she plays. I couldn't afford to lose her. Without a second thought, I sent him a harsh message saying about how I told him to take good care of her and how I said I doesn't want her to be on any shows. I admitted I even cursed at his company because this is not the first time I got upset by his company. I was so broke down. I cried and I couldn't stop until I find something to do to get my mind over it.

What I said to him, I'm sorry that it has been a little too harsh, I know. But I still think what I said was true. And all he reply was I'll try my best to find her. I did not reply after that. I bet for that few hours, he go up and down of the house and drove around the streets looking for her non stop though he's tired. And finally he found her and she was in the room she lost. I guess she was hiding somewhere in the room. I felt so relief.

Since I don't know when, I found out that I love pet so much that I treat them as human. To me, animals have the almost same thing as we human have. They have brain, organs, heartbeat and some do have humanity. Just that some of them are small and they do not talk, it doesn't mean that their lives are not important. I cried so hard when one of my hamsters, got ripped off of the cage by a cat. The hamster was dead with the body inside the cage and the hanging head outside the cage. It was stuck in between.

True Friends.

2010-10-09T21:42:00.000+08:00

Was thinking who can help me by providing me a transport and a place to make my hubby's present a successful one. And I can't think of anyone. I used to read horoscopes and 9 out of 10 of that thing says that virgo doesn't have much friends, often spends time alone because they doesn't like socialize. After joining SWC, and having him, my relationships with my classmates, my old classmates and even fellow SWC members are not getting any better. My classmates complain that I'm not part of them anymore but I'm used to it as I said earlier, I'm more to like my own. But despite loving being alone, I do appreciate all my friends around me and I try my hardest to spend my time with them, I only leave when I really don't feel like it. But some, many of them don't get it and they eventually leave me when my heart does not leave any of my friends around me. It's so sad when I wanted to find a friend to help me on something, I couldn't find anyone. Am I always this unreliable? So I don't get someone in return to rely on when I needed? When I said I want someone to help or talk to, they said "where's your hubby?" That disappoints me much as there are times where I wanted to talk to someone else. I need some true friend's that can girl with me, shop with me, stay with me, talk to me, be there for me. I found one, but she's living far. Back to the question, I need someone who can provide me place to do something for my hubby. And I can't find any transport to send to me some places to get something. *sighs*

Me likey!

2010-10-09T14:56:00.000+08:00

I like the new design. Simplicity is the best. Haven't been visiting my friends' blogs for quite some time, I definitely missed out something. Click here and see what my best friend gave me :) Thank you. Btw, his birthday is coming and he's 21. I have a rough idea on what to get him and if it works out, it would be wonderful. But the problem is, I doesn't have transport and nice equipment to do the thing. I hope I can get this done successfully. God, help me! :(

2010-10-06T23:44:00.002+08:00

My results was so-so. It was more than expected because I thought I might fail Law. I'm satisfied with my results by now though at first I was quite down when there's only 1A. It did improved in a way that there's no C. Lowest is B. Anyways, I'm glad that God hears me and I passed all the subjects. Thank you God once again :)

So far I'm doing alright. Been quite hectic about the paper work for SWC. I hope I've done my part well. I don't want to disappoint anyone and I want to maintain my own standard and also SWC's standard to me. Well, my first impression to SWC is this is a serious work place. Don't fool around and don't lose your standard cos we are professionals. I respect my seniors back then and everyone does. They listen and behave during meetings, the only one that making jokes are the seniors. I do wish these can be maintained in SWC, though I agree that we need to do changes to make things better, there's some part of last year that I don't like and I wished to change it this year. We changed the management a lot better this year but to me, I think it's a little bit too over. Juniors do no respect the speakers during meeting and what is full black formal to them? Short pants and skirts? Going around, bringing SWC's name, all the officers know. But you broke the basic rules of our TARC dress code. *sighs* We are professionals, dress like a professional, talk like a professional even joke like a professional. I don't wish to see the standards going any more lower. I hearts SWC a lot and I want them to learn the same thing I learned last year, discipline and professionalism. Standards comes in a package, not only in a way of a person do things, but in a way of a person dresses, talks and everything that the person does. Keep it on, SWC. We can do better than this! :)

Oh, I forgot! I've been trying to sleep early nowadays. So nights people :)

Happy Birthday lil girl.

2010-10-02T14:08:00.003+08:00

I went to piano class today and my teacher told me it's his daughter birthday today and she's 8. It reminds me when I was small. The daddy told her girl that let's go for a dinner tonight, what do you want to eat? Kenny Roger's? She said mommy said tomorrow. Then the daddy said okay then let's go for a movie tonight. I'll get you a present after this class. I'll find that book for you. These conversation melts me. I doesn't know how to explain. I feel so warm and I wish they stay happy forever. Her daughter is cute and so well educated. She's so obedient when she's only 8. Happy Birthday lil girl, may you have a great future ahead :) God blessed.